


Up where we belong

by yukitsubute



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Orphanage, Orphans, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-28 06:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10077371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukitsubute/pseuds/yukitsubute
Summary: To grow up in an orphanage can be really depressing. You miss your family, or you wonder about your family. Why are you here? Where is your mother? Your father? Everything starts getting easier when you have friends who are your family - like in Masaki's, Sho's, Kazu's and Satoshi's case. And when a baby arrives in the orphanage, Masaki has big-brother-like feelings from the very first beginning.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapters are Arashi as children. Masaki and Kazu are around 8 years old, Sho is 11, Satoshi 12, and Jun is 6 months old ;)

Masaki had the baby on his arms. It was covered in thick blankets. Just his face was visible and it could move his tiny arms up and down. He pulled his hand up to grasp for Masaki’s nose. Masaki leaned forward till the baby was able to touch him. His hand was warm on Masaki’s skin and it let out some tiny noises, like it enjoyed it.   
  
“I’ll take care of you, I promise,” Masaki whispered.  
  
Masaki was only seven years older than the baby, but nevertheless he knew that he’d be there for this tiny creature, no matter what would happen to them.  
  
The nun smiled at Masaki. “Give him back to me now.”  
  
“Yes, Maria-san.” Masaki placed a kiss on the baby’s forehead and handed it to her. She laid the baby in the bed and took Masaki by his hand to guide him to his own room, which was opposite the baby’s.  
  
“Can I take care of him again?” Masaki asked. He looked up at the nun.  
  
She tousled through his hair. “You’ll become something like his new father.”  
  
Masaki stopped and solved his hand from the nun’s. “He is so young and so fragile. I can’t believe that someone leaves such a tiny cute thing in an orphanage.”  
  
The nun kneeled down next to Masaki. “We’ll never get to know the truth, but Masaki, don’t forget that you are a child yourself. Don’t become an adult too early. You’re in a hard situation here, but nevertheless we want you all to be kids. Play, fool around, be a little bratty sometimes, and don’t think that you need to be strong for someone else.” She stroked Masaki’s cheeks. “But if you want to take care of him, then I’ll be happy about it. He’ll need good friends when he grows older. And maybe your friends help you.”  
  
Masaki nodded at her. Some of the other children in this orphanage didn’t like the nuns, because they could be rather strict and if you did something bad, you got punished, but Masaki liked it here. He had never experienced something else than this life, and it was normal for him to grow up here. He opened the door to his room and turned to bow in front of the nun. “Thanks Maria-san,” he said.  
  
She smiled at him and stood up. “Go to sleep now, and no night-strolling or something else.”  
  
“Yes,” he said and closed the door behind him.  
  
There were two beds in this room. On the one side was Masaki’s place. He had some toys and teddy’s standing there. On the table were his school stuff and some books. He couldn’t read most of them on his own, but with the nuns’ help he enjoyed the books with different fairy tales in it.  
  
A boy sat on the second bed and smiled at him. He had an old Gameboy on his lap. They weren’t the classical orphanage Masaki had heard from. Some of the children came here from other places and Masaki felt a cold shiver crossing his body when he thought of what they told about how their old place had been. Of course Masaki wished for a family, but he had a good place here. They were even allowed to play videogames.  
  
“Have you been with Jun-pon again?” The boy asked.  
  
Masaki smiled at him. Jun had arrived some weeks ago in this orphanage and Masaki was immediately obsessed about him. He didn’t know why, but the baby had totally caught him. And the first thing he had invented was “Jun-pon” as new nickname for the baby. “Yes, I was with him.” Masaki sat down on his bed. “He is so calm and so tiny. And I think he smiled at me today.”  
  
The boy jumped from his bed and sat next to Masaki. “He is only calm when he’s with you.”  
“You never tried it for real, Kazu,” Masaki said.  
  
Kazu tilted his head. “You don’t know how bad I am in handling children. I’ll leave this to you. But you can ask Sho-chan next time? I am sure he’ll happily join you.”  
  
Masaki looked at his friend. Ninomiya Kazunari – always called Kazu – had been Masaki’s roommate since he was able to think. And he was one of Masaki’s closest friends. Masaki sometimes wondered why they acted much older than they had been. He once had heard some nuns talking with each other. _The boys act much older than they actually are_ they had said. _They lost a lot, and they had to learn to fight quite early,_ one of them had added. _I don’t want to imagine what it means to be in an orphanage from baby age on,_ a third nun had said. Back then Masaki had decided that he’d take care of the next baby which would arrive here. Two weeks later Jun had come.  
  
Masaki had been a baby when he was brought here. The nuns had just told him that he had come together with Kazu. They had often discussed if they were brothers, but till now it was a riddle where they had come from. Kazu was Masaki’s brother – if someone asked them. And they were friends.  
  
“Hello?” Masaki winced when he saw Kazu’s hand waving in front of his face.  
  
“Sorry,” Masaki smiled. “I was a little bit absent-minded.”  
  
Kazu rolled his eyes. “I said that you can talk with Sho-chan about Jun. I am sure he’ll help you taking care of him. You can also ask Sa-chan, but I am not sure if he’ll be a great help. But maybe he can draw Jun-pon?”  
  
“What?” Masaki looked at Kazu.  
  
“He can draw him,” Kazu repeated.  
  
Masaki got a little nervous. “You know, that’s a great idea. I thought about a picture we could make together. All five of us.”  
  
“I can’t paint, you know that, right?”  
  
Yes, Masaki knew that they were talent free. They once tried it together with Satoshi, but they failed. They even had made Satoshi almost cry because of the mess they had created.  “I don’t think Satoshi will allow us using his colours ever again.”  
  
Kazu jumped from Masaki’s bed and crawled into his own, where he yawned loudly. “We can talk with him tomorrow.”  
  
“Sounds good,” Masaki pulled the blanket over his body and let himself fall back onto his pillow.  
  
~~~  
  
Sho sneaked through the corridors. He lived here for six years now, and he knew every corner of this building. He exactly knew where to hide if one of the nuns was about to catch him.  
  
“Where are you going?” Sho froze when he heard a voice behind him.  
  
He wanted to jump the other for scaring him to death. “Gosh, Satoshi, don’t appear out of nothing.”  
Sho turned to face Satoshi. “I want to check on Masaki and Kazu.” Sho tilted his head. “And where the hell are you coming from?”  
  
Satoshi shrugged. “I was on the rooftop. It’s a nice night sky and there is a great overview from town.”  
  
“What if someone sees you up there?” Sho asked. He knew he had that special father like tone in his voice and sometimes the others hated him for acting like this, but he couldn’t change it, and in the end he didn’t want to. He had the feeling to be responsible for his friends, especially because he was the second oldest.  
  
“What if you start getting cooler?” Satoshi smirked. “You act like our father, but you are one year younger than I am, so keep cool.” Sho’s eyes got smaller. He hated it when Satoshi talked with him like that. Satoshi could become a brat from time to time, not like Kazu, who was for sure the brattiest brat Sho had ever seen, but Satoshi had a slight tendency to be like Kazu.  
  
“Whatever, I go now,” Sho just said. He knew it was senseless to discuss this now. The only thing they’d get was to be caught by the nuns. And they both didn’t need that now.  
  
Sakurai Sho had come to this orphanage 6 years ago. He had been 5 years back then. It was a hard time for him to leave his family. His father had died when he had been born and his mother couldn’t bear the whole situation anymore. So she had decided to give him away.  
  
Sho could remember about those days after he had come here. He had cried for almost the whole day. Some hours after a guy had brought him here, a boy had come up to him. “I am Ohno Satoshi, who are you?”  
  
Sho had looked up at him. His sight had been blur from the tears in his eyes. He was stunned. This Satoshi boy had smiled at him. He had seemed to be so carefree and just happy. Sho hadn’t been able to understand how someone could have been happy in such a place. This place had been the worst Sho could have ever imagined. He had wanted to run away, to leave this all behind, but he had had no idea where to go to.  
  
“Sakurai Sho,” he finally had said.  
  
The boy had raised his hand. “Nice to meet you. We share a room together. Let’s play.” Sho had felt Satoshi pulling on his arm, dragging him along to their room. “I have some Lego toys. Let’s build a town together. Come, sit down.” Satoshi had sat in the middle of the room and had waited till Sho joined him.  
  
Sho had felt totally surprised about the sudden kindness of the other. He had sat down to play with Satoshi. Just a short time later he had forgotten about the pain he felt inside.  
  
“Wait for me.” Satoshi ran after Sho. “I want to join you. I want to meet them too.”  
  
Sho nodded. He did that every night, since Kazu and Masaki had disappeared one night. They had sneaked away because Masaki had wanted to see the polar star, and Kazu had made an almost perfect plan – just that they had gotten lost somewhere, and the nuns had searched for hours. Sho had been running in circles back then. He had been worried to death, and even Satoshi - who was always rather calm then nervous or loud - had been worried.  
  
Sho opened the door and froze. The beds were empty. “They are not here,” he said and turned to Satoshi. He could feel his heart beat fastened.  
  
“What?” Satoshi pushed past Sho and looked around. “Where the hell are they?”  
  
“Shh,” Sho raised his hand. He heard someone whisper on the other side.  
  
“Be quiet, Kazu,” Sho heard a voice, which belonged to Masaki.  
  
“I am not good with this,” this time it was Kazu speaking.  
  
“Oi, give him to me,” it was again Masaki.  
  
Sho looked at Satoshi, who just shrugged. They walked to the other room and pushed the door open. Sho peeked into it.  
  
Masaki sat on a wing chair, Jun on his arms. Jun was crying, but soon there were only small sobs resounding in the room. Kazu sat next to him on the ground, his hand stretched out. Jun had his small fingers wrapped around Kazu’s forefinger.  
  
Kazu and Masaki started humming a song together. Jun’s sobs turned into something undefined. It was between giggle and babbling. He seemed to like it, and Sho felt proud. He was just 11 years old, but he had the feeling, that he had raised those two – sometimes stupid – boys. (even though the most of the work was the nuns work, but that didn’t count…).  
  
“What are you doing here?” Sho stepped into the room, followed by Satoshi.  
  
“Jun was crying. I heard him when I was about to sleep. I came here to calm him down.” Masaki looked down on Jun.  
  
“And he forced me to follow him,” Kazu said. “While Masaki made the baby bottle I tried to calm him down. But I failed. He totally didn’t want to stop crying.” Kazu brushed over Jun’s small hand, which was still holding him tightly. “Masaki has a kind of magical hand. When he takes Jun, Jun stops immediately.”  
  
Satoshi closed the door and pulled Sho, who was still standing next to the door, closer to the others. “He’s so cute,” Satoshi grinned.  
  
Sho kneeled in front of Masaki, stroking over the baby’s cheek. “Sure, but better we don’t get caught here.”  
  
“Don’t be such a coward,” Satoshi poked Sho’s side playfully.  
  
“Look, look,” Masaki suddenly chirped. “He smiles.”  
  
All of them looked at Jun, who had his eyes wide open, and his tiny lips curled into a smile.  
  
Sho felt something warm spreading in him. The last time he had experienced something like this had been when Kazu and Masaki had come here, and he and Satoshi had taken care of them. Sho looked from one to the other. The feeling of finally having something like a family grew bigger in him, and he couldn’t deny that he liked that feeling. 


	2. Chapter 2

  
Masaki hid the colours under his shirt. It was already evening when he and Kazu sneaked out of the building.   
  
“Do you have everything?” Kazu whispered.   
  
“Yes, I have some colours and a brush. I just hope Satoshi brings the paper,” Masaki replied.   
  
They walked up the swing, where they wanted to meet this evening. Masaki hoped that the nuns wouldn’t recognize that they weren’t in their rooms. The nuns had already checked the rooms, but the children could never be sure that there wouldn’t be another control at night.   
  
Masaki could see two slender figures running up to them. One of them was definitely Sho, and the other had to be Satoshi. They smiled at Masaki when they reached the place. “I have the paper,” Satoshi said.   
  
“What are we doing now?” Kazu wanted to know.   
  
“You wait here, I go back to take Jun, and then we are going to make this. Just prepare everything we discussed,” Masaki said. He was proud of his plan, and he just hoped that no one would destroy it.  
  
~~~  
  
Sho looked at Aiba disappearing in the building again. His heart beat fast. He knew it was forbidden to stay outside at night, and he knew what it would mean if they’d get caught.   
  
“Let’s spread the paper on the ground,” Satoshi whispered.   
  
“You know that I am absolutely talent free when it’s about art, right?” Sho asked. He didn’t know the exact plan Masaki had made together with Satoshi and Kazu.   
  
“Don’t worry, you don’t need any talent. Even I am able to make this, so just help us here now,” Kazu whispered.   
  
They spread the paper on the ground and Kazu placed the colours right next to it. “So, can someone please tell me what we are going to do right now?” Sho asked.   
  
Satoshi had just told him that they wanted to make a secret art project, but he didn’t tell him what it was. “If it’s just about a picture, we could have made it in the class. The nuns would have let us doing it, so why this whole secret-night project?”   
  
“Because I want it to be a kind of vow.” Sho turned to look at Masaki, who had Jun on his arms.   
  
“A vow?” He asked.   
  
Masaki sat down in the tailor seat, the blanket with Jun on his lap. “Yes.” He poked Jun’s cheek, who giggled happily. Kazu robbed closer and stretched out his finger, which got occupied by Jun immediately.   
  
“I want this picture to be a vow that we always stay in contact, like a real family. No matter how far we are away from each other,” Aiba explained.   
  
Sho could feel a knot in his throat. Most of the time he ignored that there was the chance that one of them had to leave this place, but sometimes it came back to his mind, like right now. Masaki was right, if there’d come a family who wanted one of them … no, he didn’t want to think about that.   
  
Kazu smiled at Masaki. “That’s a good idea, and we’ll give this picture to Jun – our youngest member.”   
  
Sho looked at the baby, which sucked happily at Kazu’s finger. Jun’s toes moved back and forth and his feet hit Masaki’s chest from time to time.   
  
“I start,” Masaki said. He took Jun into his arms and handed him to Kazu, who looked rather shocked.   
  
“You know he always starts crying when I take him.” Kazu panicked.   
  
Sho sighed when he saw Jun’s mouth curling and a soft cry escaped his lips. “I’ll take him.” Sho could feel the warm body against his. It felt weird to have something like a younger brother again, even though he already had to take care of Kazu and Masaki almost six years ago.   
  
Masaki took the green colour and placed a great amount of it on his hand. Then he placed his hand on the paper a created a nice hand imprint on it. He smiled happily while he cleaned his hand with some cleaning pads.   
  
“I take him, and you go next, Sho-chan,” Masaki smiled. Sho handed him the baby and stepped forward to the colours. Green was taken by Masaki, there was yellow, red, blue and purple left. He thought about yellow or red, but in the end Sho decided to take the red colour and printed his hand on the paper.   
  
“What do you think suit me, blue or yellow?” Kazu asked.   
  
“You are yellow,” Aiba chirped.   
  
Kazu nodded at him and started painting his hand. “Okay, I’ll go for blue then,” Ohno explained.   
  
“Seems that purple is for you, Jun-pon.” Aiba rubbed his nose against Jun’s cheek, earning a happy giggle from the baby.   
  
Aiba placed Jun in his lap again before he took the purple colour and placed a bit of it on Jun’s hand on one foot. He raised the baby and stepped forward.   
  
“Wait, I help you,” Sho said and came closer. He took Jun’s hand while Aiba held him and pressed Jun’s fingers on the paper before taking his foot and doing same.   
  
When they were done, they sat together around the paper. Sho looked at the five colours, two big hands, two smaller and one tiny hand and one mini foot on it. “That was an amazing idea Masaki,” he said.   
  
“It is amazing,” Masaki chirped. He was grinning like madly. “It really makes me feel like we belong to each other.”   
  
“So this is our vow?” Ohno asked, earning a nod from Masaki.   
  
“Yes, we’ll give this picture to Jun. The youngest one should keep it. I want our bond last forever,” Masaki clapped.   
  
Sho couldn’t help. He felt touched by this. He looked from one to the other. They all smiled, and even Jun moved in his blanket, babbling something happily, like he wanted to tell them about his adventures.   
  
  
~~~  
  
Masaki climbed in his bed and pushed the blanket over his body. He looked at his hand where he still had some green colour. He smiled. It had been a perfect evening. And the picture – which was now in Jun’s room, right under his bed – was their perfect vow to stay together, no matter where they’d go in future.   
  
“Masaki?” Masaki heard Kazu’s voice calling his name.   
  
He raised his head to look at his friend. “What?” Masaki asked.   
  
Kazu stepped out of his bed and climbed into Masaki’s. “Do you really think that we’ll stay something like a family till we are grownups?”   
  
Masaki sat up. He had thought about that often during the last time. “You mean because of the incident last week?”   
  
Kazu nodded. “I was so nervous and so afraid that it would be me who need to leave the place here.”   
  
Masaki pulled his legs closer to his body and wrapped his arms around them. “My whole body was shaking,” he admitted honestly. “And I cried when I heard that the family took the small boy from the third floor, and not Satoshi.”   
  
Kazu nodded. “Are we weird?”   
  
“Why should we be weird?” Masaki asked.   
  
Kazu sighed. “You know, it should be our goal to get out of here. We should be happy when we finally find a family to stay, but I wouldn’t be happy. I want to stay here.”   
  
Masaki nodded. “Me too.”   
  
Masaki lied down again. He could feel Kazu shifting and suddenly his blanket got pulled up and Kazu slipped next to him. “Do you think Satoshi and Sho want to stay here too? Or do you think that Satoshi is sad because he had to stay here?”   
  
Masaki had thought about that, but he didn’t know it. “I think Satoshi likes it here, but I am not sure about Sho sometimes.” Masaki looked at Kazu. “You know, sometimes I have the feeling that he longs for a real family. For mommy and daddy.”  
  
Kazu nodded. “Yes, I know what you mean. I have the same feeling.”   
  
Masaki had his eyes already half closed, ready to fall asleep before a thought hit him. “I hope that Jun doesn’t get adopted too fast. He is still a baby, and adults love babies.”   
  
Kazu agreed. “And he is a sweet one.” Kazu grinned.   
  
“Why are you smiling?”   
  
“You know, Jun seems to be addicted to you, so maybe he cries and yells when someone rises him up.”   
  
Masaki giggled. Something warm spread in him. Probably he hoped that Kazu was right and Jun would yell every adult away from the orphanage. He yawned loudly. “I really hope you are right, Kazu.”   
  
“Everything will be alright, Masaki,” Kazu said. “Good night.”   
Masaki smiled. “Good night, Kazu-chan.”   
  
~~~  
  
Sho sat at his desk. He learned for a test he’d have in two days. “It’s already past midnight, don’t you want to go to bed?”   
  
“Sorry,” Sho said. “I didn’t want to wake you up. I have this test in school the day after tomorrow and I think I am not well prepared.”   
  
Satoshi yawned. “I am sure you pass it, because you always get the best results in tests.”   
  
“Okay, I go to sleep now.” Sho stood up to get to his bed. He turned to look at Satoshi. “Say, do you feel better again?”   
  
“What do you mean?” Satoshi had his eyes already closed again.   
  
Sho sighed. “I mean the family which decided to take the other boy?” He didn’t want to ask Satoshi first, because he didn’t know if he’d hurt him much more when he tried to make him talk about it openly.   
  
Satoshi sat up. “I am okay, really. I have a good life here.”   
  
“I know you, and your eyes were so excited, Satoshi,” Sho said.   
  
“I was a little bit sad about it, but now it’s okay.” Maybe he was telling the truth, but Sho could see in Satoshi’s eyes, that he was sadder than he had admitted.   
  
“I am happy to hear that,” Sho just said and slipped into his bed. “Good night, Satoshi.”   
  
“Yeah,” Satoshi yawned. “Good night.” 


	3. Chapter 3

  
„Sho-chan,“ Masaki yelled out. The other was not far away from him, standing with some other children in front of the school. Masaki was in the first grade of elementary school together with Kazu, while Sho and Satoshi were in the first grade of junior high.   
  
It was a public school, and while most of the children got caught up by their parents after school, Masaki and the others went home together day after day. The first day Masaki had to go this way alone, and he had been pretty afraid of going the whole way without help, but now he had got used to it, and most time there were his friends to accompany him.   
  
“Masaki, where’s Kazu?” Sho asked when Masaki had reached him.   
  
He scratched his head. “Yeah, you know, he played a trick on a school mate and now he got a detention.”   
  
Sho sighed. Masaki exactly knew the tone in this noise. Sho was annoyed. Sometimes he really acted like the big brother, and that wasn’t always nice for the others. “How long does he need to stay?”   
  
“I think one hour,” Masaki answered. He had no idea, because he had just seen Kazu going to the detention room together with a teacher. He had no chance to ask him.   
  
“Okay, I think he needs to get home alone then, because I need to learn, and Satoshi is already at home,” Sho explained.   
  
Masaki blinked. Why was Satoshi already at home? “But school ended some minutes ago? Why is he at home?”   
  
He could see Sho smiling at him. It was a strange smile. No – Masaki knew this smile, and he totally didn’t like it. He really didn’t want to know why the other wasn’t with them now. It would probably destroy Masaki’s mood.   
  
“He has something to do. Satoshi has to help the nuns.”   
  
The knot in Masaki’s belly solved slowly. “Phew, I thought he has another family talk.”   
  
Sho tousled through Masaki’s hair. “You are really afraid that one of us has to go, right?”   
  
Masaki could just nod. It was something different to talk with Kazu about it than talking with Sho. Sho was much more mature and Masaki wasn’t able to talk carefree about everything.   
  
“Come, let’s sit down at the bench and wait for Kazu,” Sho said. He pulled him along to the bench. “You know,” Sho started. “Maybe one day we all need to find our own way.”   
  
Oh god, sometimes Masaki hated Sho for sounding so adult-like. He didn’t like this attitude, because they were children after all. “But we stay something like a family, we are a family.” Masaki knew he sounded stubborn, but he didn’t care about it.   
  
Sho laughed. “Of course.”   
  
Somehow that sounded all over honest. “Sho-kun, what will happen if we find a new family?” Masaki couldn’t remember if he had ever asked that question before.   
  
Sho looked at him for a moment before he answered. “I have no idea, Masaki.” He leaned back against the seat. “We all don’t know how it feels to stay in a family, but I think it will be a great new experience.”   
  
Masaki nodded. No – he didn’t want a new family. “Do you think that someone wants us?”   
“What do you mean?” Sho asked.   
  
“Don’t you think we are already too old to get adopted?” Sho laughed out loud at this question “Why do you laugh?”   
  
“Masaki, you are 7 years old, and we are getting 12, so we aren’t that old,” Sho explained.   
  
Masaki rolled his eyes. “Yes, sure, but most of the time babies get adopted and they don’t share that much interest in us.”   
  
Sho nodded at him. “Yes, that’s true.”   
  
“Jun,” Aiba whispered.   
  
He could feel Sho’s hand on his shoulder. “Let’s enjoy our time together, okay? No one knows what tomorrow comes.”   
  
Masaki nodded. “Okay. Let’s enjoy the time.”   
  
~~~  
  
Sho walked behind Kazu and Masaki. He looked at the both of them. They looked happy while they chatted about this and that and giggled about some silly jokes. Sho had often thought what would happen when he had to leave the orphanage. Would he be happy? Would he want to stay at the orphanage or would he go with the family? He was torn between two feelings overwhelming him.   
  
Sho shook his head. It was senseless to think about this right now, because there was no family interested in him. During the last 6 years Sho had only three talks with families, and none of them wanted him in the end, but he didn’t care about it. In the end he never felt like something was missing in his life, right?   
  
“Hey, Sho-chan, do you listen to me?” Sho winced when he saw Masaki right in front of him. He had been really absent minded.   
  
“I am sorry, Masaki, I was in my thoughts. What did you say?” Sho smiled at his friend.   
  
“I wanted to know if you join us today?” Masaki bounced up and down.   
  
Sho rolled his eyes. He knew where this would lead to. “It’s a bad idea, Masaki. You really shouldn’t do this.”   
  
“You act like a father, but you are also young and not an adult, so keep calm and join us,” Nino said with a grin.   
  
Sho sighed. He really acted too adult like sometimes, but he had the feeling that he was responsible for the younger ones. “Okay, before the two of you get lost again, I’ll come with you. And Satoshi will accompany us too.”   
  
“Great,” Aiba chirped.   
  
Nino and Masaki had always the worst ideas when it was about doing forbidden things. They never did real bad things when they concoct a plan, but Masaki had a real soft spot for the lake not far away from the orphanage and Kazu loved it to stroll around in one of the few empty houses around the orphanage. And sometimes (or maybe always) Sho was worried that something could happen to them.   
  
Satoshi wasn’t the overall worrying type, but Sho pulled him along no matter what. He always told him, that he was also the older one between them, and he needed to take care of Masaki and Kazu, but Sho wasn’t sure if Satoshi ever listened to him.   
  
“What exactly have you planned for today?” Sho wanted to know.   
  
“It’s such a beautiful day. We wanted to go to the lake,” Masaki started. “I have a lot of homework to do, and I want to make it there, while we lie in the grass, enjoying the sun.”   
  
Sho started laughing out loud. They wanted to run away to make their homework? “You really are something.” Sho tousled through Masaki’s hair.   
  
“Maybe I can bring Jun along? What do you think?” Masaki asked.   
  
Sho tilted his head. “I am not sure if this is a good idea, Masaki. He is so tiny. What if something happens to him?”   
  
Masaki nodded. “Maybe you are right.” Sho could hear the disappointment in Masaki’s voice. He had really developed big feelings for this baby in such a short time.   
  
They reached the orphanage and placed their shoes at the entrance.   
  
One of the nuns waited for them at the entrance to the dining room. “Go in quickly, lunch is almost done.”   
  
“Thank you, Maria-san.” Sho bowed when he passed her.   
  
They slipped into the room. Sho looked around. He got nervous. Satoshi wasn’t around. He had expected that the other would already greet them with one of his smiles when they’d enter the room, but he wasn’t there. Sho turned around to look at Maria. “Where’s Satoshi-kun?”   
  
“Sit down,” the nun said. Sho could feel a cold shiver running down his spine. He didn’t like the sad glance in Maria’s eyes.   
  
“What happened?” Masaki asked with his usual bright grin around his lips. It faded when he saw Maria’s and Sho’s glance.   
  
Maria sat next to them and looked from one to the other. “Listen to me,” she started.   
  
“I think I don’t want to hear that,” Kazu said.   
  
The nun smiled, and Sho didn’t like it. “There was a family here today, and Satoshi got chosen. He is with this family till Monday. They will decide if they keep him after this weekend.”   
  
Sho looked at Kazu and Masaki. They both looked down, and no one of them said a word. “Eat something now, and then outside to play a little bit, okay?” Maria said lovingly.   
  
Sho looked at his plate. His hunger was gone, and when he looked at the others he knew that they all felt same.   
  
“You knew about it, right?” Masaki looked suddenly up at Sho. He had never seen Masaki being that sad and somehow angry. “Why didn’t you say anything?”   
  
“I …,” Sho sighed. Yes, he had known about it. Satoshi had told him the day before that he’d have another chance to live with a family, but maybe Sho didn’t disavow that. He hoped that it wouldn’t become reality. Satoshi had never been that excited before. He got informed that he’d live with this family for the weekend, and he wanted to make everything perfect. He wanted this new life – no matter what. “Yes, I knew about it. But I didn’t want to make you feel uneasy. He is just away for one weekend. They decide then how it’ll go on.”   
  
“So he’ll leave us,” Kazu whispered. His voice was thin and sad, Sho had never seen him like this, and it hurt him. For the first time he realized how much of a family they had become.   
  
“Sorry, I want to go upstairs now, I am not hungry anymore.” Masaki stood up and bowed before he left the room.   
  
Sho wanted to stand up, but Kazu glances at him. “I think he doesn’t want to see you now, and me neither. So stay here, and leave us alone for today.”   
  
Sho wanted to say something but they were already out of the room. Had he done something wrong? He didn’t want something bad for the others, he just wanted to prevent them being hurt, but that didn’t work out.   
  
“Sho-kun?” Maria walked up to him. She had a small smile around her lips. She sat next to him on the small bank.   
  
“I think they are mad with me,” Sho said. He looked up. He had never been good with feelings, but now he could feel the tears coming up in his eyes. No – he never cried, not even when he had fallen on this old rusty nail.   
  
Maria brushed over Sho’s head. “Why are they mad?”   
  
He rubbed his face. No, he wouldn’t show any feelings. “I knew about Satoshi’s weekend with this family, and I didn’t tell them.”   
  
Maria smiled at him. “You wanted to protect them from feeling sad, but you can’t do that.”   
  
“Will he come back?” Sho asked.   
  
“I don’t know, Sho-kun. But if he feels happy, I hope that he’ll stay there. It’s his decision after all,” Maria said.   
  
Sho knew what Satoshi wanted, and it made him feel even sadder. 


	4. Chapter 4

  
  
Masaki sat in Jun’s room next to his small bed. The baby lay there, playing with the toys on the string above him. Masaki had his legs pressed against his chest, his head rested on his knees. He was sad. He didn’t want it to happen that one of them had to leave their group.   
  
“Masaki?” It was Kazu standing at the door. He slipped into the room, sitting next to Masaki.   
  
“That sucks,” Masaki sobbed. He didn’t like this feeling spreading in him. Some days ago they had made their vow to stay together no matter what, and now one of them was about to leave. That was really not fair. “And you know what’s the worst thing about it?”   
  
Kazu shook his head without saying something.   
  
“I hope that he’ll be happy,” Masaki said. He really hoped that this family was the thing Satoshi longed for. But a small part in Masaki also hoped that Satoshi would chose the orphanage and them to stay together.   
  
“How about going to the lake, like we have planned it?” Kazu suggested. He was always there to distract Masaki when he felt blue. It had always been like this, and maybe it would still be same when they’d be adults.   
  
“I am not in the mood to go somewhere.” Masaki looked up when he heard Jun’s babbling changing into a sob.   
  
“See, now you made him cry,” Kazu whined.   
  
“Me?” Masaki pointed at himself. It wasn’t his fault.   
  
“Yes,” Kazu started. “You came here to cry and now Jun is sad, because you are sad.”   
  
Masaki stood up and put his finger into the bed. He could see the small bundle turning till he was able to take Masaki’s finger with his hand. He looked up at Masaki and his whine was gone almost immediately. “You know, Kazu, I think we should go to the lake.”   
  
“Okay.” Kazu nodded. “Why did you change your opinion?”   
  
“We are in an orphanage and children come and go here, right? So it’s just normal that one after the other will leave us one day.” Masaki stood there, looking at Jun in his bed. He was sad and tired, but he had realized that this wouldn’t last forever. One day they had to leave this place to start a life without the others, and some would leave earlier, some later. And Satoshi would have his chance to leave this place now.   
  
Masaki could see a small flicker in Kazu’s eyes. “That sounds so sad. And I don’t want to think about it.”   
  
“Me neither,” Masaki said.   
  
~~~  
  
“Come, this way,” Masaki whispered at Nino. He pulled on the wooden fence to get a part of it out, so that they could slip through it.   
  
Kazu was a few steps behind him, checking if no one followed them to the fence. “Okay, let’s go. The coast is clear.”   
  
Masaki nodded and stepped through the fence. There was a big field with some trees a little farer away. Behind some weeping widows was the lake they wanted to go to. They had visited this place various times together and it was something like Kazu’s and Masaki’s place to switch off all the problems they sometimes had.   
  
They ran up to the small path which connected the field with the lake. The trees there lay close to each other, and it took them hours to find a smooth path to go through them. “Sometimes I wonder why this place is so hard to find.” Kazu said.   
  
“I wonder if the nuns want to keep the children away,” Masaki said.   
  
They passed the trees and soon they stood on a small patch of grass. It looked a little bit like a beach, but there was nothing around them except water, flowers and the sun. “I brought my Gameboy along, I think I need to reach the next level in this game.”   
  
Masaki smiled at his friend. He could see that Satoshi’s leave lay heavy on Kazu’s mind, but he didn’t want to go on Masaki’s nerves with his sadness. That had always been Kazu. He acted like he was the cool kid, like nothing could ever disturb him, like he was the Hulk in the orphanage, but Masaki knew it better. When other children had bullied Kazu two years ago, he had never said a word, till the day Masaki had found out. Kazu had been talking in his sleep, and there he had told Masaki what had happened to him and what the other children had said to him. It wasn’t all that bad in the end, but Masaki had always wondered why Kazu had never said a word, till he realized that Kazu wasn’t able to speak about his problems.   
  
“I have this book here. I want to read a bit,” Masaki said. He held up the book he had borrowed from the library. “At least I want to try it, because I am not that good in reading till now,” Masaki added. He was learning to read in school, but he had problems with it, so he tried his best to learn at home.   
  
Masaki opened the book and started with the first lines. He could hear the sound of Kazu’s Gameboy, which stopped after a few minutes. Masaki looked up. “Hey Masaki,” Kazu said, nibbling on his lower lip nervously. “I will miss Satoshi, really.” Masaki could see Kazu’s eyes got filled with tears.   
  
“Not only you.” Masaki and Kazu yelled out when a sudden voice came from the trees. They turned to look at Sho, who stood there, not far away from them.   
  
Sho came closer to them and sat down on the blanket they had brought along. “I am really sorry that I didn’t tell you about it, but I didn’t want to make you sad.”   
  
“Do you think he’ll stay with this family?” Kazu asked.   
  
Sho shook his head. He had his gaze lowered. “I have no idea, but I hope that he’ll be happy, no matter which decision he’ll make.”   
  
“Would you go?” Masaki wanted to know. He had thought about this for several times during the years.   
  
Sho shrugged. “I have no idea.”   
  
“I think I would stay here,” Kazu suddenly said. Masaki looked at him.   
  
“Even if the family offers you the perfect place to stay? And you have the feeling that you would feel good there?” Sho asked.   
  
Kazu shook his head. He was stubborn, he had always been. “I want to stay here.”   
  
Sho wanted to say something, but he seemed to realize that it was senseless. Kazu wouldn’t change his opinion.   
  
~~~  
  
  
It was Monday morning and Masaki and Kazu stepped out of the school. Both didn’t know if they wanted to go home or not. It was the day Satoshi should decide about his future, and they both didn’t want to know how he had decided.    
  
Masaki could see Sho already waving at them from the other side, where the high school was. “Let’s go home, guys.”   
  
“You are in a real good mood, aren’t you nervous about Satoshi?” Masaki asked. “Or do you already know how he had decided?”   
  
Sho shook his head. “No, I don’t know it. But no matter how it’ll end, today we’ll have certainty.”   
  
“So, let’s head home?” Masaki suggested.   
  
They all nodded and started their way back to the orphanage. All of them kept quiet. Masaki could feel his heart beat faster when they approached the orphanage’s entrance.   
  
They opened the door and stepped into the lobby. There stood Satoshi, his bag in his hands. Masaki didn’t know if he had arrived right now, or if Satoshi was already on his way back to the family.   
  
“Satoshi.” Masaki stepped to the other. “Please tell us, do you leave us?”   
  
Satoshi smiled at them. He placed his bag on the floor. Masaki hated him for his calm and sometimes way too slow way of acting. “Tell us already, Satoshi.”   
  
Satoshi tousled through Masaki’s hair. He was still a little bit taller than Masaki, but soon that would change, and Masaki would pay him back the teasing. “Don’t worry, I will stay here.”   
  
“Oh my god, I am so happy about that,” Masaki blurred out. He hugged his friend and started bouncing up and down.   
  
“Please go to your room, we need to talk with Satoshi now,” one of the nuns said. She didn’t sound over all friendly and Masaki hoped that Satoshi wasn’t in trouble.   
  
“Okay,” Masaki said and walked upstairs with the other two.   
  
They slipped through the door to Sho’s room and sat down on Sho’s bed. “What the hell was this?” Kazu asked.   
  
“I have a slight idea,” Sho sighed. He rubbed his face. “Satoshi doesn’t want to leave this place. He wants to stay here, and I fear he’ll do everything to make this come true.”   
  
Masaki stunned. “You mean he ruined the weekend on his own, just because he wants to stay here?”   
  
Sho nodded. “He always says that he is happy with the life he has here, and he doesn’t want something else.”   
  
“But you always told everyone that Satoshi wants a family? You told us that he longs for a family?” Masaki asked.   
  
“Yes, I believed that myself, but right before Satoshi was invited to this family, he told me the truth,” Sho explained.   
Kazu and Masaki exchanged a look. Masaki wanted to jump and dance around because of this, but when he looked at Sho, he knew that would have been the wrong decision. Sho’s eyes looked sad. Masaki was sure that he didn’t understand Satoshi’s behaviour.   
  
“Would you help me with Jun later on? Maria-san allowed me to change his diapers for the first time and she allowed me to bath him,” Masaki chirped. He wanted to change the topic to get Sho into a better mood again.   
  
“Sure.” Sho smiled. “Just that I don’t have any idea how to do this on my own.” He scratched his head. At least Sho’s eyes got a little warmer again, and there was a small glance of joy in it.   
  
“Cool, but you have to help too, Kazu,” Masaki giggled. He knew that Kazu would hate him for this.   
  
“Oh great,” Kazu grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Then let’s go to eat before we take care of this bundle of crying.”


	5. Chapter 5

Sho stepped into the dining room right behind Kazu and Masaki. He looked around. Satoshi sat on the other side, his shoulders hanging down sadly. But Sho knew it better. Satoshi wasn’t sad, he was just a perfect actor. And the more Sho thought about it, the more his anger rose. He really couldn’t understand the other, and Sho didn’t want to understand him. He would have been so happy to get the chance to stay with a family, and Satoshi? He ruined his whole life.   
  
“Hey,” Sho felt someone pulling on his arm. He looked at Kazu, who stared to the other side of the room. “Is this a new kid?”   
  
Sho looked at a small boy. He must have been younger than Masaki and Kazu, but he wasn’t a baby anymore. He was crying madly, and one of the nuns knelt next to him, trying to calm him down.   
  
“Come on, we need to take care of him,” Masaki said, pulling on Sho’s other arm.   
  
“Hey, boys, we can’t take care of everyone here. We already have Satoshi and you two and then there is Jun. Our group is big enough,” Sho sighed. He knew this glance in Masaki’s eyes. There was no chance that he would keep him from running to this boy.   
  
Masaki looked angry. “You know, Sho-chan, you are sometimes acting like an idiot or I don’t know what, but you are only a few years older, and we are all in the same situation here, so let us go to this boy.”   
  
Masaki had always been caring around the others. From the very first beginning when he had started walking and talking, he had taken care of the boys in the orphanage. Sho remembered how he had searched for a needle and a thread to repair the teddy bear from one of the boys downstairs. It didn’t matter who it was, or if it was one of Masaki’s friends or not, he would always help them if they needed help. And Sho admired him for this – even though Masaki was much younger. He had never been that carefree and sunny. And sometimes he hated himself for the way he was.   
  
Was he a good friend for the others? Why was he so jealous of Satoshi? Something in Sho twitched painfully. No – he couldn’t let the bad feeling taking over him. “I will look after Satoshi, but go and bring that boy along.” Sho smiled at the boys.   
  
Masaki and Kazu nodded and hurried up to the boy, while Sho sat next to Satoshi. “Hey.” Sho looked at Satoshi. “You won again and are back?”   
  
Satoshi looked up and Sho was sure that he had never seen this face Satoshi showed him. He was hurt and sad, and there was no acting behind it, it was Satoshi’s purest feeling. “What happened?”   
  
Satoshi shook his head. “This time was different. I wanted to stay, really. This family was amazing, but they didn’t want me.”   
  
Sho put his hand on Satoshi’s shoulder. “Why?”   
  
Satoshi shrugged. “They wanted a child with talents, and it seems I am pretty talent-free.”   
  
“Pf.” Sho rolled his eyes. “You can paint like no one else here, so don’t tell me that you are talent-free.”   
  
Satoshi had a small smile around his lips. “I think I am not able to show this to any family.” He looked up. “Sho-kun, I am not meant to live with a family. That is my family here.”   
  
Sho gulped. Of course that made him happy, and he had known that for long, but Satoshi had never said it out loud. “What do you plan?”   
  
Satoshi stood up. “I tell the nuns that I don’t want to meet any other family anymore. I want to stay here, and others should get the chance to find a place to stay.”   
  
Sho breathed out. He had hardly seen Satoshi that strong-willed. “Okay, but let’s eat something for now, okay? You can talk with them afterwards.” Sho knew that Satoshi had made his decision, but there was a small hope that he’d maybe think about his decision, before he’d ruin his future with talking with the nuns.   
  
~~~  
  
“Hello, I am Masaki,” Masaki said. He knelt on the ground, looking at the boy. He wore blue dungarees and a red-blue squared shirt. On his back he had a rucksack, which was almost bigger than he himself. He cried out loud, and big drops of tears were falling down on the ground.   
  
He looked up and sobbed. “I am Kazuya.”   
  
“Hey, Kazu, no wait, that’s not possible, we already have a Kazu here.” Aiba pointed at Kazu next to him. He scanned the boy. On his knee he had a big plaster with a green turtle on it. “I call you Kame, because of the sweet turtle on your knee.”   
  
“Kame?” The boy sobbed, then he had a small smile around his lips. “I like that.”   
  
“Come now, Kazuya, we show you your room,” one of the nuns said.   
  
“Can I meet the boys again?” Kame asked.   
  
“Sure, but everything later, okay?” The nun said, earning a nod from Kame.   
  
“Till later.” Kame waved at them.   
  
Masaki and Kazu waved back.   
  
When Kame was out of the room, Kazu leaned closer to Masaki. “How do you make this?”   
  
“What?” Masaki asked.   
  
“You talk with someone and no matter what, the other feels good.” Kazu raised his finger and poked Masaki’s nose. “That’s creepy.”   
  
“Hey,” Masaki felt his cheeks blushing. He didn’t know how he did this. It was just him. He didn’t like people who cried, and he wanted everyone to be happy, so he always tried to give his good mood to the others. It wasn’t something he needed to think of, he just did what he wanted to do. “I like happy people.”   
  
~~~  
  
“I am so full,” Masaki whined. They had eaten a big bowl of Ramen and two pieces of cake.   
  
“Masaki-chan!” Masaki turned to look at Maria, who had a small bundle on her arms.   
  
“Maria-san.” Masaki stopped walking.   
  
“I wanted to ask if you want to feed Jun and you already told me that you want to change his diapers and bath him,” the nun said with a smile.   
  
“Yes, please,” Masaki chirped. He looked at his friends. He knew the sights. They liked Jun, but diapers and bathing? No – neither of them wanted to do this.   
  
“I will sit in the corner of the room, watching you, okay?” Maria-san said.   
  
Masaki nodded enthusiastically. “Yes.” He turned to the others. “Will you join?”   
  
“Do we have a chance to escape?” Kazu asked.   
  
Maria laughed out loud. “I think Masaki won’t give you the chance to disappear now, but it’s just my guess.” She winked at them.   
  
“He is our purple, so of course you need to join.” Masaki pouted.   
  
“Okay, okay,” Kazu sighed. “Let’s go.”   
  
Soon later they stood in Jun’s room. Masaki sat on the big chair, Jun on his lap. “Try to hold him like this, Masaki,” Maria explained. “And you have to hold the baby bottle like this.” She showed him how to feed the baby.   
  
“Okay, got it,” Masaki grinned. He poked at Jun’s lips with the bottle, but first he didn’t want to open his mouth to start eating.   
  
“Maybe you need to hold it more left,” Kazu suggested. He had his head next to Masaki’s, looking down at Jun.   
  
“Or you need to hold him more up.” Satoshi stepped to Masaki’s right.   
  
“No, wait, do it like this,” Sho said, standing right in front of Masaki.   
  
They all looked down at Jun, who seemed to look from one to the other before he raised his tiny hand, grasping for Kazu’s finger.   
  
“He loves your finger,” Masaki chuckled.   
  
“Yeah, as long as I don’t try to carry him, everything is okay,” Kazu grumbled. “But my finger is good enough.”   
  
Jun’s other hand wandered to the bottle and before Masaki could react he had his lips tightly around the bottle and started sucking on it.   
  
Masaki looked over to Maria-san, who sat there, smiling at the boys like she was proud of them.   
  
Sho brushed with his finger over Jun’s forehead. He chuckled when he saw the baby following his finger with his eyes. “He is really cute,” Sho said with a smile.   
  
“He is,” Masaki said. He didn’t know why he had such a strong affection when it came to others, sometimes he wondered if it was because of his family. Who were they? Did they care about others like Masaki did? Did he have siblings because he enjoyed the company of others so much? Or was Kazu his real brother, even though they totally didn’t look same? He didn’t know it, and probably they would never get to know about it.   
  
~~~  
  
“God, that smell is going to kill me,” Kazu said with his fingers on his nose.   
  
Masaki chuckled. “It’s a baby, I am sure you smelled same.”   
  
“Even worse,” Satoshi laughed out.   
  
Kazu’s cheeks blushed. He opened his mouth and shot it without saying something. Masaki giggled at that. It was rare to see Kazu speechless. He always found some bratty words to return, but this time Satoshi checkmated him.   
  
“I can remember how Maria-san told us to take care of the both of you,” Sho said.   
  
Maria-san laughed out loud. “Oh yes, I think the boys had never been that tired before after taking care of you.”   
  
Masaki looked down at Jun and raised him to get him to the bath. “Wait,” Maria-san stood up and came up to Masaki. “I help you.”   
  
Masaki stepped on the small stool to look over the baby bathtub. Maria held Jun in her hands, and Masaki spilled some water and soap over the body. Jun giggled and babbled something, his hands splashing into the water. “He likes to bath,” Masaki said. He turned to his friends, who sat on the ground, watching them.   
  
“You should become a kindergartener when you are grown up, Masaki,” Kazu suggested.   
  
“Mhm, maybe,” Masaki returned, turning his attention back to Jun.


	6. Chapter 6

Masaki headed out of the school. He pulled the hood closer to his ears. It was ice cold outside and soon Masaki could feel his nose tingling.   
  
“Brrrrrr…” Kazu shivered next to him. “I hate this cold weather. I want it to be summer again,” he whined.   
  
“Hey, Kazu.” Masaki poked his side and pointed at two figures on the other side of the school building. “Isn’t this Sho-chan with a girl?”   
  
“No way,” Kazu laughed out. He pressed his eyes together like he would be able to see the figures closer by doing this. “Wow, maybe you are right.”   
  
“I think we need to discover that,” Masaki said. He looked at his watch. “Damn, we need to get Jun from kindergarten. We don’t have time to sneak after Sho now. He’ll be furious if he finds out that we aren’t on our way to get Jun.”   
  
Kazu nodded at him. “But we’ll get him later on.”   
  
Masaki pulled on Kazu’s arm. He could almost see the plans of teasing Sho in Kazu’s mind running up and down. It wasn’t the time to annoy Sho. Not today. Masaki wanted this day to be perfect.   
  
They stepped into the smallest building of the five school buildings. The windows were coloured with rainbow colours and various paintings decorated the walls around the corridor. On the right side was the wardrobe and some children were already there, changing for going out.   
  
“Masa-chan, Kazu-chan,” they heard a voice calling them.   
  
Masaki knelt on the floor. “Hey, Jun-pon. Did you have a nice day?”   
  
The boy nodded at him. “I painted all of you.” He stepped closer and took the both of them by the hand, guiding them to a painting on the wall. Masaki smiled.   
  
He was way the tallest on the picture, while Kazu was only the half of him. Satoshi sat on the ground, an easel next to him, and Sho – Sho stood there with a bunch of books to study.   
  
“See,” Jun said excitedly. “I am between you.”   
  
Masaki and Kazu exchanged a look. Masaki looked at the picture. He had Jun’s hand in his and a big smile covered both of them, while Jun only held Kazu’s forefinger, like he had always done when he had been a baby. Masaki could see in Kazu’s eyes that he was touched, even though he’d never ever admit it.   
  
“It’s cool.” Typically Kazu.   
  
“And Sho-kun and Oh-chan are watching over all of us,” Jun giggled happily.   
  
“That’s really nice, Jun-pon. Maybe you can take this picture home and we place it on the wall?” Masaki asked.   
  
“Yes, I take it with me, I just need to ask. I am back in a minute.” Jun turned to run up to one of the kindergarteners, who came up to them.   
  
“Oh, you must be Masaki-kun and Kazunari-kun, right?” The kindergartener asked.   
  
They nodded at him. “Jun talks a lot about you. You are all from the town’s orphanage, right?”   
  
Masaki nodded. “Yes. We are all divided into small groups, who need to take care of each other. So it’s our duty to wait for the younger ones to get home together after school or kindergarten.”   
  
The kindergartener nodded. “You are five all in all?”   
  
“Yes, we are,” Kazu said. “Satoshi-kun and Sho-kun are already in their last school year, and they took care, and still do, of us,” he explained. “And we take care of Jun,” Kazu added.   
  
“How old are you?” The kindergartener asked. He was a man around 50 years, and his eyes were nice and calm, but Masaki didn’t know what he wanted from them now.   
  
“Twelve,” Masaki said.   
  
“He is twelve today,” Jun blurred out. “It’s his birthday today.”   
  
Masaki blushed. He didn’t want to talk about his birthday now. “Oh, congratulation,” the man said. “Twelve is a good age.” He smiled. Masaki got nervous. He was afraid that something was wrong here.   
  
“Thank you,” Masaki murmured. “I think we need to go now. Jun, please change your clothes,” Masaki said.   
  
“Yes.” Jun walked to his place. “Masa-chan, can you help me with the shoelace. I don’t understand that.”   
  
Masaki smiled at him. “Sure.”   
  
“Masaki-kun,” the kindergartener said before Masaki moved. “I just wanted to know who the people are that care so much about Jun. He is a great boy, and I have the slight feeling that this is not only the work of the nuns – I think it’s more opposite. You really are great boys, go on like that.” The man winked at him before he returned to some other children.   
  
Masaki blushed. This compliment made his heart beat faster.   
  
“I think he doesn’t know about our little rule breaks,” Kazu chuckled.   
  
“Masa-chan,” Jun said again, moving his leg up and down, the shoelaces bounced from right to left.   
  
“Yes,” Masaki shook his head and stepped to him. “Look closely. You take this one and make a loop, then you take this one and wrap it around, and at last you pull the one shoelace into this here and you have a second loop.”   
  
Jun looked at him, his head tilted. “Let me,” he said and took the second shoe. With the third try it worked out and they were finally able to go.   
  
“Oh, the picture, I can take it with me,” Jun said before they left the building.   
  
Masaki pulled on it and put it in Jun’s small bag. “So, and now let’s head home.”   
  
Outside Masaki could see Satoshi and Sho walking up to them. “Seems Sho could solve from this girl,” Kazu whispered at Masaki.   
  
He nodded at his friend. “I wonder who she is,” Masaki whispered back.   
  
“Hey.” Masaki waved at his friends.   
  
“I am starving, can we please go home fast,” Satoshi whined, without even greeting them.   
  
“It’s not our fault that you forgot your lunch at home,” Sho said. “I told you twice to take it from the cupboard, but I have no idea where you’ve been with your thoughts in the morning.”   
  
“At least I didn’t have Masami in my thoughts all day long.” Satoshi grinned sheepishly before he whined after a rather hard smack from Sho. “Ouch.” Satoshi rubbed his head.   
  
“Ah, she’s that beautiful girl you met with right before?” Kazu smirked. Masaki knew that the other wouldn’t be able to hold it back, and he really didn’t want to start a discussion about privacy with Sho right now.   
  
But for Masaki’s surprise Sho didn’t say anything. His cheeks were flushed and even his ears seemed slightly red. “Let’s head home now,” he just said instead.   
  
  
“I wonder what they cook today. Maybe I get some Ramen or yakiniku,” Masaki said. He wanted to change the topic, because he could see that Sho was rather embarrassed about that topic. It was so untypically Sho.   
  
“Maybe we’ll get some chocolate with bonbons,” Jun said. He still held Masaki’s hand tightly while they walked back to the orphanage. He had Kazu on his other side and Sho and Satoshi were a few steps behind them.   
  
Masaki looked to Kazu, who was unusually silent next to him. He wondered what was going on with him. Maybe he needed to talk with him later on, when they’d be in their room. For now Masaki tried to lighten up the mood between them.   
  
“Jun, that’s not a dinner,” Masaki laughed.   
  
“But I like sweets,” Jun complained. Yes, he could eat sweets without anything else all day long, they knew that, but luckily they hardly got anything sweet in orphanage. The nuns were watching out that they got healthy food.   
  
But it was Christmas Eve, so maybe they’d get something special for this day. Last year they were allowed to order pizza for Masaki and some of his friends.   
  
“Or maybe some cheeseburger? Didn’t you say that you want some really unhealthy, American food?” Sho asked from behind.   
  
It wasn’t only Christmas Eve, but also Masaki’s birthday. And every child was allowed to make a wish for dinner on that day. And if it was possible, the nuns prepared the food for the birthday child and their friends. It was a good chance to get something they normally weren’t able to eat.   
  
Masaki nodded at him. “Mhm, you are right. I saw that in TV last week when we were allowed to watch this show. They showed an advertisement for a burger restaurant. It looked so delicious. I really want to taste it one day.”   
  
“That sounds too good,” Kazu said while rubbing over his belly.   
  
“I prefer sweets,” Jun said stubbornly, earning a laugh from the others.   
  
~~~  
  
They walked into the dining room and Masaki could already smell that they’d get something different to eat from the other days. That smell had never crossed his nose before.   
  
“Masaki-chan, happy birthday,” Maria-san said with a smile. She guided Masaki to the room and offered him a seat at the top of the table. “Today it’s your day.”   
  
Masaki smiled when he got his plate with a burger and some fries on it. “That looks amazing,” he chirped. And it tasted like it smelled like. Masaki had had various great birthdays, but somehow this one felt amazing, at least till Maria-san came back to the table.   
  
“Enjoy your last birthday together with your friends,” she smiled at Masaki and tousled through his hair. Masaki had pushed these thoughts far, far away from him, but Sho and Satoshi’s leave came closer. They had turned 18 and soon they’d be finished with school and needed to find a job, what meant that they would leave the orphanage, while the others would remain here.   
  
“I will,” Masaki just whispered. He really didn’t like the thought of being only the three of them left here.


	7. Chapter 7

„Hey, Masaki,“ Sho said after they had finished dinner. “We have a surprise for your birthday.” Sho had seen Masaki’s sad eyes when Maria-san had told him that it was his last birthday with all his friends together. Sho didn’t like the thought either. Not only that he didn’t want to leave the others, but also because he was terrible afraid of what would await him out there in the world.   
  
“Oh yes, we have planned it for weeks.” Kazu clapped his hands and Jun imitated him immediately.   
  
“And Kazu cursed a lot, but I was not allowed to learn the words from him,” Jun told Masaki excitedly.   
  
“And that’s good.” Masaki poked Jun’s side, earning a giggle from him. Masaki glanced at Kazu. “No cursing in front of little children.”   
  
“Yes, mom,” Kazu mocked the other.   
  
“Hey, how about we go upstairs to our room?” Sho suggested. The others agreed. They had thought a long time what they could give Masaki as a present. They all didn’t have any money to buy him something, but nevertheless they wanted to give something to him.   
  
Sho just hoped that Masaki would like it.   
  
~~~  
  
They sat together in Masaki’s room. Masaki looked around, but there was nothing which looked like a present. Of course he didn’t await something special, but at least something self-made.   
  
Jun jumped on Masaki’s bed grasped for the book on the nightstand. “Can you read another chapter for me tonight?”   
  
Masaki brushed Jun’s head. “Of course, but it’s a little bit too early to read now.”   
  
“Are you ready, Masaki?” Sho and Satoshi stood at the doorframe their hands on their back.   
  
“I am not sure, I don’t trust you,” Masaki laughed out loud.   
  
They smiled at him and came up into the room. Kazu knelt on his bed, a grin covering his face. “We all wish you a happy birthday.”   
  
“Happy birthday, Masa-channnn,” Jun blurred out. His hands stretched up over his head.   
  
Masaki took the package Sho handed to him. It was rather heavy and he wondered what they had made for him. He unwrapped it and held a bunch of papers in his hands. They were bound together with a green string and on the top page was a picture with all of them together. Everyone of them had written a small note for Masaki.   
  
“See, that’s mine,” Jun smiled, pointing at an undefined signature on the paper.   
  
Masaki was close to tears. He opened the book and looked through various pictures, starting when he was a baby himself. “Where did you get these from?” He wanted to know.   
  
Sho and Satoshi joined Jun and Masaki on the bed and even Kazu jumped down from his own to join them. “We asked the nuns. They always make pictures from us, but I think we got used to it, and we don’t care about it anymore. We asked them to help us, and Maria-san came to give us the pictures last week,” Sho explained.   
  
“That’s amazing. That is the best present ever.” Masaki rubbed his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, but this really touched him.   
  
“Oh, we have a much better present for you.” Satoshi grinned brightly.   
  
“Better than this?” Masaki asked.   
  
Sho nodded. “We’ll stay here.”   
  
Masaki blinked. What did Sho say? “Who stays where?” He asked.   
  
Kazu poked Masaki’s nose. “Sho and Satoshi stay here. They will just move in a new building. And come.” Kazu pulled Masaki from the bed to the window. See the house there?”   
  
Masaki nodded. “It’s the old nun’s home, right?”   
  
“Yes, but Maria-san and the others moved to the new building on the north side, and this one is empty, so they decided to let the young adults live there,” Kazu explained.   
  
Masaki turned to his friends. He saw them smiling at him, and he was sure that they were probably the happiest that they could stay here. “That’s amazing, that’s the best birthday ever.” Masaki walked back to the bed. “But how? They always said that they want you to get into a life without help?”   
  
Satoshi leaned against the backrest. He looked relaxed and the fear which sparkled in his eyes during the last days and weeks was gone. “They had some bigger troubles with others in past. I just heard that some of the boys from this orphanage ended in not so good affairs. That’s why they want to keep them together till they have a constant life. Like a job and regular salary and so on.”  
  
“I can’t believe it. That’s really the best birthday ever,” Masaki said. He looked at the book on the bed. They were all smiling on the picture. It had been Jun’s first birthday they celebrated together.   
  
“Oh, and look,” Jun suddenly said, opening the book on the last page. There was a big paper folded into a smaller one.   
  
Masaki opened it and smiled. It was the paper with their hand prints on it. “Our vow from almost four years ago,” Masaki whispered.   
  
“And we are still stuck together,” Kazu said. “Unbelievable.”   
  
“Sometimes I wonder why no one wanted us,” Sho said absent-minded.   
  
“I think we didn’t want someone, and some of us still don’t want a family. That’s why none of us got adopted till now. Plus Jun who screamed everyone to death when they tried to carry him,” Kazu chuckled.   
  
Masaki could feel Jun’s head resting on his leg. He really had always started crying when a family came to see him. There was no chance to keep him calm, not even when Masaki was around. Soon the nuns got frustrated and fewer families came to see Jun. By now there were hardly any interests in Jun anymore.   
  
“Don’t you want to know who your family is?” Satoshi suddenly said. Masaki looked at him. He had never thought about it. He didn’t know why, but Masaki had always been happy with his life. Of course there were times he missed a real family, but when he looked at his friends, he immediately felt better again.   
  
“Last week I saw a family bringing a baby here,” Sho said. He looked down on his legs. “I wondered if my mom and dad also brought me here like this.” Sho smiled sadly. “They gave the small bundle to the nuns and walked away, like they sold some old DVDs or something like that.”   
  
“You mean it looked like they didn’t even care?” Masaki wanted to know. He couldn’t imagine that someone was able to act like this.   
  
Sho nodded. “It looked so carefree. And it made me wonder how my parents were.”   
  
“Last week,” Satoshi started. “I heard some nuns talking about the documents they collect from the children. They said that they keep everything in a separate office at the third floor.”   
  
Masaki felt something in him jumping up and down. “You mean that there is all information about our past?”   
  
Satoshi nodded. “Yes.”   
  
Kazu sat upright on the floor. He was nervous. Masaki could see this in his body language. “And is there a chance that we can get there?”   
  
“You mean to break into the room?” Masaki whispered.   
  
“That’s forbidden,” Jun said.   
  
Masaki tousled through Jun’s hair. “It is, Jun-pon, but …” He didn’t know what to say. What was a reason for them to break into the nun’s office.   
  
“You know, Jun,” Kazu hooked in. “We want to solve this riddle. It’s like the game we played last week. We are treasure hunter, and we want to get the treasure. And no one is allowed to know about it, except us.”   
  
Jun tilted his head. He looked from Kazu to Satoshi and back. “That sounds funny,” he finally said. He sat up in the bed. Masaki could see Jun’s eyes sparkling, like always when it was about playing a game.   
  
“But it’s a game we aren’t allowed to talk about.” Masaki put his finger on his mouth to symbolize that they should keep quiet about it.   
  
“You really want to break into the nun’s office?” Sho asked. “Do you think that this is a good idea?” Sho had always been cautious when it was about pranks. He had always been far too earnest to play tricks on anyone.   
  
“We need to be careful. If we get caught, we end up in serious problems,” Satoshi said. “But I think there is a chance that we get into the room to take a look at our documents.”   
  
“We just need a good plan,” Kazu said. He stood up to get some paper and a pen.   
  
Masaki felt the nervousness in him rising. He had never thought about these documents before, but now he got all over chipper about it. Maybe he’d soon get to know who he really was.   
  
Soon after his nervousness turned into a feeling of being sick. “Let us think about a plan,” Masaki said, his hand pulled up above his head.   
  
“Yeah, plan,” Jun giggled, imitating Masaki’s position.


	8. Chapter 8

Masaki turned in his bed. He tried to sleep since hours, but no matter what he tried, he couldn’t. He had already tried to count sheep, but it didn’t work out. He turned from left to right and back. No matter what he tried it wasn’t comfortable and he couldn’t find any rest.   
  
“Ma-chan?” Masaki heard Kazu calling his name.   
  
“Kazu? You are still awake?” Masaki sat up. He could see Kazu curled up in his bed, but looking up at him.   
  
“Mhm,” Kazu said. “I can’t sleep.” He sat up and pulled the blanket over his body. “Do you really want to know your past?”   
  
Masaki bit on his lower lip. Did he want to know it? Yes – no – maybe. “I don’t know,” Masaki said.   
  
Kazu pulled his legs closer to his body and rested his head on his knees. “I am nervous.”   
  
Masaki nodded. “Me too.” Masaki grinned.   
  
“Why are you smiling?” Kazu wanted to know. He looked at Masaki with his head tilted. Maybe he thought that Masaki was going insane here.   
  
“I just thought that it would be great to find out some hidden secrets.”   
  
“Even if they are not so nice?” Kazu asked. Masaki hadn’t seen his friends often like that. Kazu was always tough and a little brat, but sometimes, just sometimes he was able to show the small, scared boy he tended to be sometimes.   
  
“Kazu,” Masaki said. He slipped out of his bed and tapped up to Kazu’s where he slipped under the blanket. “We are already got left here long ago, and we found a new family here. So what dark secret shall we explore there?”   
  
Kazu looked at him. “But what if our parents were bad persons?”   
  
Masaki pulled one arm around Kazu’s shoulder. “Would that change something?”   
  
Kazu smiled at him. He brushed his sleeve over his cheek. “No, we still remain the same?” He half asked half said.   
  
Masaki nodded. “Yeah, that’s it. We are the silly, stupid but mostly genius-like group of happy guys,” he giggled. He poked Kazu’s side playfully.   
  
“Stop it, Ma-chan,” Kazu laughed out, trying to get Masaki’s finger to stop him from poking his sides. They laughed and rolled around on the bed till both landed on the ground.   
  
“Hey, Kazu,” Masaki said, rolling on his back. He looked to the side to face Kazu. “You were so calm today after we saw Sho-chan with this girl?”   
  
Masaki scanned Kazu properly. He nibbled on his lower lip nervously, but he didn’t say something. “Oh dear, don’t tell me that you are in love with someone?” Masaki said.   
  
Kazu shook his head vehemently – a little too much. “Oh come on, Kazu-chan, talk with me.”   
  
Kazu sighed. “I am not in love, Ma-chan. Really, I am okay. I just … nah …” Kazu rubbed his face. “It’s everything alright, okay?”   
  
Masaki knew that there was something wrong with Kazu, but he knew his friend, and he knew that Kazu would never talk about it, if he didn’t want to talk.   
  
~~~  
  
Sho lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. For his own surprise he wasn’t nervous about the facts he’d get to know. He was more nervous about breaking into the office.   
  
“Sho-kun?” Sho turned in his bed to look at Satoshi, whose bed was right beside his’. Satoshi smiled at him. “Who’s that girlfriend of yours?”   
  
Sho sighed. No, he definitely didn’t want to talk about her right now – no, he never wanted to talk about her. It was something which belonged only to him, and he didn’t want to make this thing public, because he was embarrassed about it. “Nothing. Masami and I are just friends.”   
  
“Oh come on,” Satoshi whined. He rolled to the side and leaned his head on his hand. “Don’t be so closed. You are always like this, Sho-kun, but open up at least a bit, and at least to me.”   
  
Sho rolled his eyes. Satoshi was rarely really curious about something, but when he was, he was like a pain in the ass. He’d ask him hundreds of times a day. Some said that Satoshi was disinterested in others and their problems, but Satoshi wasn’t. He just didn’t care much about small things, but he had been there if one of his friends needed something, and he had a special feeling for people who were bothered by something. Sometimes Sho wondered how Satoshi did this, especially after he merely listened to others, or maybe it just seemed like this.   
  
“She likes me,” Sho finally said. He could see Satoshi smiling at him. “Satoshi,” Sho grumbled. “It’s not like that.” Sho felt something in him clenching painfully.   
  
“And you?” Satoshi asked. “Do you like her too?”   
  
Sho sighed. He already feared that kind of question, and he never wanted to talk about it, because he didn’t know how he should explain everything. In the end he wasn’t even sure about his own feelings, or maybe he was sure, but he didn’t know if he should tell his friend. Maybe he cared too much about what others thought about him, and he didn’t want to get confronted with something he didn’t want to think about. Damn, why was everything so difficult for him?   
  
“I …,” Sho said. He could feel his hands getting cold. Should he really talk about it? He nibbled on his lower lip. “No, I don’t like her. Not in the way she likes me.”   
  
Satoshi nodded. “You like her as a friend?”   
  
“Yes,” Sho said. He didn’t know if he should explain more, but Satoshi already continued before he was able to say something.   
  
“Sho-kun, you never react to girls speaking with you. You don’t go out with them, and you avoid their tries to get closer to you. Why?” Satoshi asked.   
  
Sho felt like throwing up. He had never talked about it. He had even avoided it to think about it. He breathed out. It was a big burden lying on his soul, and he feared that Satoshi would laugh at him, or worse, he’d turn around and stop being his friend.   
  
“I …,” Sho said. “God, I don’t know if I am able to talk about it.”   
  
Satoshi looked worried. “Is everything okay?”   
  
“Yes, no, I don’t know,” Sho stuttered. Damn, he didn’t know when he had been that nervous for the last time. Probably he had never been that nervous before. Sho would never admit it openly, but his friends were the most precious thing he possessed. And he didn’t want to think what would happen if they would turn their back on him.   
  
“Sho, come on, tell me already. I am your roommate, you can tell me everything,” Satoshi whined.   
  
“Okay,” Sho closed his eyes. Maybe he should just say it out loud. “I think I don’t like girls.” There was a strange calmness in the room. Sho felt uncomfortable. Was Satoshi mad at him? Was he disgusted? Sho didn’t dare to look at his friend. He didn’t want to know what Satoshi thought.   
  
“You know, this history teacher in school is really pretty hot,” Satoshi said after a while. Sho turned to face Satoshi. Did he mishear something? But the answer was so typically Satoshi.  
  
“What?” Sho said.   
  
He could see Satoshi staring at him. “I said that the history teacher is hot.”   
  
“Yes, I heard that,” Sho said. “But I don’t understand it.”   
  
Satoshi smiled at him. “I wanted to say that first of all I don’t care about it, and second, some men are really … hm … let’s call them hot.”   
  
Sho couldn’t help but start laughing about it. He could feel some tears running down his cheeks. He felt relieved like never in his life before.   
  
“Oh god, a crying Sho-chan? I think I need to make a picture. No one would ever believe me this,” Satoshi said theatrically.   
  
Sho took the pillow and threw it against Satoshi. They both giggled around and soon both were breathless. “You know, now I am more curious about my family then nervous.” Sho smiled at Satoshi.   
  
“I really want to know about my parents and family, even though that won’t change anything,” Satoshi said. “But you know, I am happy, no matter what.”   
  
Sho nodded at him. “Yes, I think I am happy too.”   
  
Satoshi stared at the ceiling. He wasn’t smiling anymore. He was the absent-minded, airheaded Satoshi again. “Do you still want to get away from here, Sho-kun?”   
  
Sho blinked. He hadn’t thought about that for a longer time now. “I am happy. I don’t think I need something else right now.”   
  
Satoshi had his eyes closed. Probably he was already snoozing away. “That’s really nice to hear,” he said before he started snoring slowly.


	9. Chapter 9

„After the nuns are done with their evening check-up, we go down the left corridor, where we hide in the empty classroom,” Satoshi pointed at the plan they had drawn. “We wait till Jun is back from observing the area left and right at the end of the corridor.”   
  
All of them looked at Jun, who seemed to be proud to be part of this plan. “And I will do my best,” he said with a smile.   
  
“Jun-pon, you have to be quiet while you walk down the corridor, and you know what to say when a nun crosses your way?” Masaki asked.   
  
Jun nodded at him. “I tell them that I got terribly hungry, and I got lost because I was still half asleep when I left my room.”   
  
Aiba smiled at Jun. “Perfect. I know you are smart.”   
  
“The nuns check every room around 8pm. Till they are done it’s almost 9pm. We will meet afterwards here in your room, Masaki.”   
  
“Roger,” Masaki giggled. He was already chipper about their mission. “Kazu and I will wait for you all.”   
  
Sho nodded at Masaki. “Okay, and then we’ll pick you up Jun. You wait in your room.”   
  
Jun nodded at them. “We rush into the room, search for the documents and read them. Then we leave the room immediately and get back to our own rooms. We don’t take anything from there, and we leave everything like we find it at the beginning, okay?” Sho said.   
  
The others nodded at them. “Good, then till 9pm.” Sho stood up.   
  
Soon Kazu and Masaki were alone in the room. Masaki lay back on his bed, his legs and arms spread wide. He really looked forward to their mission. He somehow felt like Indiana Jones or Lara Croft – if he’d be a woman.   
  
Masaki snoozed away, till he heard a knock on his door. He sat up immediately. “Is it already nine?”   
  
Kazu nodded at him. “Yes, we start now.”   
  
Masaki got out of the bed. He grasped for his socks, which he had placed somewhere next to his bed. He slipped out of the bed and walked up to the door, which he slowly opened. Satoshi smiled at him. “Ready?”   
  
Masaki nodded. He looked back to Kazu who was already right behind him. They stepped to the corridor and Masaki closed the door behind him. He looked left and right. “Where’s Sho?” He asked.   
  
Satoshi pointed at Jun’s door. “He is getting Jun ready.”   
  
Masaki peaked into Jun’s room. Sho stood at his bed and poked Jun’s side. Masaki could see that Sho was already losing his patience. He walked into the room and stepped next to Sho. “What’s the matter?”   
  
Sho looked at him with his dark eyes. He was really already in a bad mood. “He doesn’t wake up,” Sho whined. “No matter what I do, he doesn’t want to get up.”   
  
Masaki chuckled. He knew Jun’s behaviour when he was sleeping. It was almost impossible to get him up. He stepped closer to the bed and knelt next to Jun. “Hey, Jun-pon,” Masaki said. He poked Jun’s cheek. “Hey, get up. Our plan starts now, and we need you.”   
Jun had his eyes still closed. His breath was slow and he was a little bit smiling in his sleep. Masaki leaned closer and whispered. “Double chocolate cookies are in the kitchen, waiting for you.”   
  
Jun opened his eyes. He yawned and stretched his limps. His eyes were still small and he looked tired, but there was a strange sparkle in his eyes. He was excited about their plan. “Masaki-chan, were are the cookies?”   
  
Masaki chuckled. Yes, he always knew how to get Jun up. “There are definitely cookies for you when we are done with our plan.”   
  
Masaki smiled at Jun. He hoped that the other wouldn’t complain about it now.   
  
“Okay.” Jun shrugged.   
  
The others laughed about that. “Why are you laughing?” Jun whined.   
  
Sho stroked over Jun’s head. “You are so uncomplicated, that’s just great.”   
  
~~~  
  
Sho’s heart beat faster when they reached the third floor. He still didn’t want to be here, but he wanted to be here. Damn, he didn’t know what he wanted. What if his family were murder or thieves? Or if they were bad people, what if they hated children? He shook his head. It didn’t matter, it didn’t matter … he told himself again and again.   
  
“Is everything okay?” Sho turned when he felt Kazu’s hand on his shoulder. Sometimes he wondered how sensitive Kazu could be, even though he could be an enormous brat sometimes.   
  
Sho nodded. “Yes.”   
  
Kazu grinned at him. There was the little brat again. “Are you scared of getting caught?”   
  
Sho rolled his eyes. “Yes, totally.”   
  
“Shh, now,” Satoshi said. He glanced at the both of them and turned back to Masaki and Jun, who walked in front of them.   
  
“Okay, here we are. We get in this room and Jun, you walk down the corridor,” Kazu said.   
  
Sho looked from one to the other. They were all pretty nervous, he could see it in the others body language. “Okay, let’s do this already. I don’t want to wait any longer.” Sho pulled the others into the room and left the door a crack open. He peaked outside to look at Jun, who strolled down the corridor.   
  
He looked almost relaxed, probably because he was still so small that he didn’t care about the consequences. “He is almost down the corridor,” Sho whispered. He could feel Masaki next to him pushing him to the side to get a view himself.   
  
“Oh great, he is there, and he waves at us, so we can go now,” Masaki said. He wanted to step outside, but Sho pulled him back.   
  
“Wait a moment,” Sho whispered. He saw Jun waving his hand left and right, and a second later a nun stood there, kneeling in front of Jun.   
  
“What are you doing here, Jun?” She asked.   
  
Jun had his hands on his back. He seemed pretty relaxed, other than Sho, who felt his heart pressing against his chest wildly.   
  
“I think I got lost,” Jun whined. He was a good actor.   
  
“Wow, he acts so good,” Masaki whispered.   
  
Sho nodded. “Amazing.”   
  
“Like a small grown up,” Satoshi’s head appeared next to Sho’s.   
  
“Look, the nun takes him away, and he waves in our direction. Does that mean we can go?” Kazu asked, looking at the others.   
  
Sho took one step out of the room. He looked left and right and took some more steps. It was silent outside. He couldn’t hear any steps around. Sho turned and raised his hand to tell the others that they should follow him.   
  
They sneaked to the door on the side and Sho pulled on the doorknob. He smiled when the door opened and they could slip into the room. It was dark inside, but the moon lightened the room enough that Sho could reach the desk and turn on the light there. There were huge cupboards with hundreds of folders in it.   
  
“God, how shall we find something in this room?” Masaki asked.   
  
Satoshi walked up to the cupboard and stroked over the backside of the folders. “There are years on it,” he whispered.   
  
“Pull out the years we came here, Satoshi,” Sho said. Satoshi pulled on two folders and placed them on the desk. “They are not that thick, hopefully we find something here.”   
  
Sho took the folder with his year on it. He opened it. His pulse sped up and he felt like throwing up. On the third page he found a picture of him when he had been 5 years old. “It’s my case.” He looked at the others. “I found it,” he said again.   
  
“Me too.” Satoshi looked up.   
  
Sho looked at Kazu and Masaki, who exchanged a look. “Take our year, Kazu.” Masaki’s voice was higher than usual. He was nervous, probably more nervous than Sho had been, and it made Sho feel better because he wasn’t the only one almost freaking out here.   
  
He got a little lost in his thoughts till he heard Masaki and Kazu speaking. “Not possible,” they said almost at the same time.   
  
“What?” Sho said. He walked up to Kazu and Masaki. He looked at the folder on the ground. There was a picture of Kazu and Masaki. He knelt down and read the file. “That absolutely can’t be.”   
  
“Hey, guys,” Satoshi said. The others looked at him. “You won’t believe me when I only tell you what’s written in here. You need to see this.”


	10. Chapter 10

Masaki sat on his bed in his room. He looked at Kazu on the other side, who sat there, staring at him. “Is this really true?” Kazu said after a while.   
  
“It seems so,” Masaki answered. “But it’s so unbelievable,” he added. “We really do not look same.” Masaki took a closer look at his friend.   
  
“No, we are totally different. It’s really hard to believe that we shall be twins,” Kazu shifted on the bed and climbed out of it to get to Masaki’s bed. He sat next to him and put his hand around Masaki’s shoulder. “But we have always been brothers, so it doesn’t matter I think.”   
  
Masaki nodded. “That’s true. But you know what the strangest thing among this all is?” He asked.   
  
Kazu nodded. “Yes, that Satoshi is the oldest brother and we are related.”   
  
Masaki chuckled. “Yes. Satoshi is so totally different.”   
  
Kazu nodded. They both started laughing out loud. Masaki felt the tension in him fading. He had found real brothers now, even though he had already had them before they had searched through the folders. “It’s just sad that our parents didn’t want to keep us. But you know, I thought I’d be enraged or mad or even sad about it, but actually I feel nothing.”   
  
“Me neither. I am just happy right now,” Kazu said.   
  
Masaki looked up at the ceiling. He really didn’t feel anything about his parents, but it was interesting where they had come from. “Our parents live in a small village, have you ever imagined that?”   
  
Kazu shook his head. “I always believed that my parents had died and that’s why I came here. But I also believed that I was a single child, and not a twin. And I didn’t think that I have an older brother, who’s also here.”   
  
Masaki agreed. He had had the same thoughts. They had talked so often about it, and they had talked about so many different variations were they had come from. “Do you remember the day we imagined that our parents are astronauts?”   
  
Kazu giggled. “Yes, that was great.” Kazu pulled on his legs to get it closer to his body. “It’s somehow boring that they are normal people living on the countryside.”   
  
“Do you think that the reason for them to leave us here is really their poorness?” Masaki asked. He couldn’t believe how someone left their children because of money.   
  
“I don’t know, but it’s … I don’t know …” Kazu nibbled on his lower lip. He had always been pretty honest with his words.   
  
“It’s?”   
  
Kazu looked at Masaki. “It sucks.” He sighed. “I mean … they left Satoshi here, because they didn’t have any money and some years later they brought us here?”   
  
“Okay, that is sad.” Masaki felt the happiness about his new found real brothers fading and the sadness about his family rising.   
  
~~~  
  
Sho walked into the room followed by Satoshi, who let himself fall down on the bed. “I have two brothers.” Satoshi looked at Sho in disbelieve. “I can’t believe it.”   
  
Sho sat at the desk. He wished he could change place with Satoshi, but he didn’t want to sound jealous now, and he wanted to show interest in the other’s story. “That’s amazing,” Sho said with a smile. He had to fight against his real feelings, but he was able to supress it.   
  
“I am sorry.” Sho looked up when he heard Satoshi’s words.   
  
He shook his head. “There’s nothing you need to be sorry about.” Sho felt something in him clenching. He had been so nervous when he had opened his folder, but when he had read the words on his page, he felt everything in him tensing. There had been a picture from him, with his full name underneath it. The rest of the page was filled with one word: Parents and former life unknown. Sho didn’t know what he had expected, but this wasn’t what he wanted to read. But what did he want to read? Sho didn’t know it. He felt torn between everything.   
  
“Sho-kun,” Satoshi said. “Nothing changes, okay?” He smiled at Sho. “You are still one of us.”   
  
Sho felt the tension mixing with a warm feeling. Satoshi was right, nothing had changed. But nevertheless he felt sad. He wanted to know his past, and he didn’t get to know it. “Who were the people I got raised by? Who were the ones who brought me here? I remember my life before I got here, but I thought that these were my parents after all?”   
  
“I don’t know,” Satoshi said. “Maybe your aunt and her husband?” He mused.   
  
Sho shook his head. “I have no idea.”   
  
“I really hoped that you’ll find some answers in there, Sho.” Satoshi was still looking at him. Damn, now he felt the tears coming up in him. He wanted to believe that this thing didn’t matter to him, but in the end he was more affected. Sho lay back on the bed. He didn’t want Satoshi to see him like this.   
  
“It doesn’t matter I guess. Maybe it’s not my fate that I get to know my family and the circumstances why I got here,” Sho mused. He knew his voice sounded thin and sad, but he couldn’t change that.   
  
“What do you think about Jun?” Ohno asked. He knew that Satoshi just wanted to change the topic, and maybe it was the best to stop thinking about things which wouldn’t be able to be solved.   
  
“I don’t know. I am not sure if we should talk with him about it. Probably it’s the best to tell him that we couldn’t find any information about him?” Sho suggested.   
  
“Maybe you are right,” Satoshi nodded. “But he won’t stop asking questions.”   
  
Sho closed his eyes. Yes, he knew that Jun had an insatiable thirst of knowledge. And he would ask and ask and ask till he’d get an answer. “I can’t tell him that his parents are dead. That’s something I don’t want to convey.”   
  
Satoshi kept silent for a moment. He just played with the pen in his hands, tapping it on the table absent-minded. “But we have to tell him?”   
  
Sho sighed. He sat up, his hands rested behind him on the bed. “I don’t know. He is so young after all. Wouldn’t it be too much for him?”   
  
“Yes, you are probably right. Maybe we can tell him that we don’t know it?” Sho tilted his head. Yes, that was a good idea.   
  
“You are right, Satoshi, we tell him that his parents are unknown, like …” Sho didn’t finish the sentence. He looked down on his feet. “Like in my case.” He ended the sentence.   
  
Sho turned when he heard a knock on their door. He looked at Satoshi, who just shrugged. Sho stood up and walked up to the door. He could hear someone whispering out there.   
  
He opened the door and smiled. “Come in.”   
  
Masaki and Kazu walked into the room. Masaki had Jun on his arms. He was already dozing off on Masaki’s shoulder. “He wanted to come along, no matter what,” Masaki said.   
  
They slipped into the room and sat down on Satoshi’s bed. Jun moved on Masaki’s arm and yawned loudly. “Yeah, party,” he said with his eyes half closed. The others laughed at that. Jun wouldn’t make any kind of party. He would slip into a peaceful dream soon again.   
  
They looked at each other for one moment before Jun broke the silence again. “Did you find everything you wanted to know?”   
  
Sho saw Masaki’s eyes resting on him. Sho shrugged wordless. He understood what Masaki wanted from him, but he couldn’t tell if it was a good idea to tell Jun the truth. “Yes, Jun, we found everything we searched for,” Masaki finally said, and Sho was glad that it wasn’t him who needed to talk right now.   
  
Jun looked at Masaki. “Did you find something about my parents?”   
  
Sho didn’t dare to look directly at Jun. He scanned his other friends, who didn’t seem to know what they should say either. “Yes,” Masaki said. “Jun, it’s … your parents …”   
  
Jun looked at him. “They are in heaven, right?” Sho stunned, and it looked like the others felt same.   
  
Masaki stroked Jun’s head. He smiled at him. “Yes, Jun. They watch after you from up there.” Masaki pointed at the sky. “They are always with you.”   
  
Sho didn’t know what it was, but Masaki had the ability to make others feel good, especially children.   
  
“Okay, they are happy, right?” Jun asked.   
  
“Yes,” Masaki said.   
  
Jun nodded. “Then I am happy too. And I have you.” He smiled at them.   
  
Sho grinned when he saw that Masaki was close to cry. But he couldn’t deny that he was touched either.   
  
“Can you imagine that Masaki and I are twins?” Kazu asked while looking in the mirror and back to Masaki. “We totally don’t look same.”   
  
Jun chuckled. “You are way smaller and thinner than Masaki.”   
  
“I am not that much smaller,” Nino said angrily.   
  
Sho grinned. That was Kazu’s weak point. He really didn’t like it to be the smaller one. “But hey, maybe you get as tall as Satoshi is. Oh wait, you almost have his height,” Sho laughed.   
  
Satoshi glanced at him. “You have to talk,” Satoshi grumbled.   
  
Sho crossed his arms. “You know, now that I know that you three are brothers, I think my time here will become much harder. I hope the two of you don’t get same like Satoshi is, otherwise it’s really getting hard with you all.”   
“Sometimes I can’t stand you, Sho-kun,” Satoshi grumbled. He pricked out his tongue. The others laughed about it, especially Jun had fun with them arguing about silly things.   
  
Sho felt the tension and sadness in him fading. He hoped that this feeling would at least never stop between them.


	11. Chapter 11

„Happpppy birtttthhhdayyyy,“ Masaki yelled out. He threw some confetti into the air and clapped his hands. “It’s already your 12 birthday, Jun-pon.” Masaki tousled through Jun’s hair.   
  
“Thank you, Ma-chan.” Jun smiled. He took the package, which was wrapped in purple coloured paper from the table. Masaki could feel his belly jumping. He and Kazu lived in the student’s orphanage – that’s how they called the building where the older orphans lived – while Jun was still in the room he had been since he had had been a child.   
  
“It’s from all of us,” Masaki pointed at Kazu and Satoshi. “Oh, and Sho-kun of course, but he’ll come a little later. He is still in the office.”   
  
“I thought he is on university?” Satoshi asked.   
  
“First he has his … don’t ask me … European law or so lesson, and then he needs to work in the law office,” Masaki said.   
  
“Oh, things I don’t understand,” Satoshi chuckled. No, he really had no idea about law. While Sho had started studying and had started working in this law office, Satoshi had started working in an atelier, where he was now even able to present his own works from time to time.   
  
Kazu and Masaki had finished school some months ago, and while Kazu had found a job in a game developing company, Masaki had started his education in a kindergarten.   
  
“Open your present.” Masaki poked Jun’s hip.   
  
“Shouldn’t I wait for Sho-kun to come here?” Jun asked.   
  
“Nah, open it. We are curious what you think about it.” Kazu sat next to Jun.   
  
Jun unpacked the present and Masaki could see a bright grin on Jun’s face appearing. “Oh my god, a mp3 player.”   
  
“Do you like it?” Masaki wanted to know. He looked at Kazu and Satoshi, who seemed happy about Jun’s smile.   
  
“I love it,” Jun said. He unpacked it and twisted the item between his fingers. “Now I can listen to my music outside. And maybe I can also rehearse outside.”   
  
“Talking about rehearsal, do you want us to come to your audition?” Satoshi asked.   
  
Jun nodded. “That would be great.”   
  
“Really, you are the first 12 year old who wants his friends to come and visit his audition,” Kazu said. “You are strange,” he added.   
  
Jun shrugged. Masaki loved how random Jun was when it came to his hobbies and activities. He was proud to be a dancer, no matter how much the others had laughed about it. He didn’t care about the opinion from others, and Masaki was proud of Jun’s character.   
  
“Hey, hey.” Masaki turned when he saw Sho coming into the room. “Birthday kid, happy birthday.”   
  
Jun chuckled. “Thank you, and you look good in a suit, Sho-kun.”   
  
Masaki smiled. He could see Sho blushing. Somehow Masaki had always thought about Sho ending in such a job. He had always been like a lawyer here. “How was your day?” Masaki wanted to know.   
  
“Busy.” Sho sighed and loosened his necktie. He sat next to Jun. “I see you already unwrapped your present? Do you like it?”   
  
Jun nodded. “I love it.”   
  
“How’s school going?” Sho wanted to know. Masaki rolled his eyes. Sho had always been concerned about their education. He sometimes really acted like a father.   
  
“Good,” Jun said. “I had two tests last week, but they weren’t that difficult.”   
  
“Have you read the books I suggested to you?” Sho asked further.   
  
“Gosh, Sho-kun, it’s Jun’s birthday, let’s not talk about school or books or something like this,” Kazu whined. “No one is interested in these things.”   
  
Masaki chuckled. “Sho-chan you should see your face right now.”   
  
“You know, Kazu, education is one of the most important, …” Sho started.   
  
“Okay, who wants some cake?” Satoshi clapped.   
  
“Me!” Masaki pulled his hand up. He really didn’t want any discussion right now. He loved Sho like a brother, but sometimes his adult behaviour annoyed Masaki.   
  
“Yeah, cake sounds great.” Kazu grinned.   
  
“This is really delicious, who made it?” Sho asked after he had tasted the first spoonful.   
  
Masaki grinned. “It’s my own creation. I put lemon with strawberry and cream in it.”   
  
Masaki loved cooking. Next to work with children he loved creating new sweet creations on his own. And luckily his friends were very interested in tasting new things. Especially on birthdays Masaki always wanted to create something special. He knew that Kazu was the chocolate type, Satoshi loved nuts and cream, Sho was the caramel fan, and he and Jun had always had a soft spot for cakes with fruits and cream. He always tried to make something the others really liked, and till now he had always succeeded. So he looked at Jun, who tasted the cake and looked up at him.   
  
“That’s so delicious. Ma-chan, you are really a great cook,” Jun said.   
  
“Did you make this in the kindergarten?” Satoshi wanted to know.   
  
Masaki nodded. “I have more space to work there.” The new building they lived in was quite comfortable, but the kitchen was small, and he had to share it with five others, so he couldn’t make his delicious cakes there.   
  
“Next time we’ll celebrate in your apartment,” Jun suggested and pointed at Satoshi and Sho.   
  
“That would be okay, but you have to tell us beforehand, because it’s rather messy in our home.” Sho scratched his head. Masaki could imagine how their apartment looked like.   
  
“I can remember how your room here sometimes looked like, and I really hope it got better during the last years,” Kazu chuckled.   
  
“I don’t think they improved,” Masaki said. Sho and Satoshi moved from the orphanage one year ago when they had found a job. Since they got their own money, they finally had to move to a life without any support. Sho and Satoshi had decided to move together in a small apartment not far away from the orphanage. It had been strange back then, because all of them were used to stick together every day. But they got used to it, and now it was just normal. Masaki looked at Jun. He didn’t want to think what would happen when he and Kazu had to move out here, when they would be done with their education. Kazu would be done next year, and Masaki had two years to go, but he had already decided to go along with his brother, when Kazu would leave this pace. And Jun would remain here, alone. Masaki shook his head. He really didn’t want to think about that.   
  
~~~  
  
“Hey, Sho-kun,” Kazu’s voice echoed from behind. Sho turned to smile at his friend. They didn’t work far from each other, and sometimes Sho met Kazu during his lunch break.   
  
“Oh, are you going to this Italian restaurant again?” Sho asked.   
  
Kazu shook his head. Sho blinked at him. He sometimes wondered how grown up Kazu and the others already were. Of course, he had also become an adult through the last years, but he could remember how small Kazu and the others had been. “Masaki cooked something yesterday and I have the leftovers with me.”   
  
“He is really concerned about your health, right?” Sho chuckled. Kazu wasn’t the one who would live healthy when no one took care of him. Maybe he’d even forget to eat. Sho wasn’t living with them anymore, but Masaki sometimes told him that Kazu was busy with his game development not even at work, but also at home. Masaki had phoned him two days ago, asking him for help, because Kazu had had played a game more than 10 hours in a row. Luckily he still listened when Sho scolded him for doing such stupid things, even though Kazu was already an adult.   
  
Kazu blushed. “Yes, but yesterday he cooked too much. It was Jun’s belated birthday dinner, and Masaki cooked for ten people instead of three.”   
  
“Oh, I wish I would have been able to come too, but this meeting took almost forever,” Sho sighed. He really wanted to come when Masaki cooked, but he hadn’t been able to leave work earlier.   
  
Kazu grinned at him and waved his lunchbox. “Masaki already guessed that we would meet here, so he gave me some extra food.”   
  
Sho stroked his belly. His stomach grumbled painfully. “I am already starving, and the canteen has nothing I like today. So I am really happy about that.”   
  
They sat at a bench in a garden next to their working places. Kazu opened the lunchbox and placed two spoons on the small stone table in front of them. “Oh my god, rice with vegetables and Masaki’s famous sauce.” It sounded boring and not really delicious, but Masaki’s special sauce and his top secret way of preparing the rice and the vegetables made it one of the best things Sho had ever eaten.   
  
“It’s the best thing ever, right?” Kazu said.   
  
“Absolutely, now I am much more disappointed that I missed the dinner yesterday,” Sho said. “But at least Satoshi missed this too.”   
  
“Do you know how his exhibition ended?” Kazu wanted to know. That was totally Satoshi-like. He never talked much about his job. Not even with his brothers.   
  
“Good I guess. Satoshi said something about a Chinese guy who wants to make an exhibition with his art in Beijing. But it’s not settled yet,” Sho explained. They had visited Satoshi’s first exhibition together, but Kazu and Masaki had to leave earlier, because they needed to get Jun home. He wasn’t allowed to stay out long – no, actually he wasn’t allowed to stay out at any time, but Kazu and Masaki had succeeded in convincing the nuns that Jun had to visit Satoshi’s atelier.   
  
“Oh that sounds good,” Kazu said. He took a spoonful of rice and chewed happily. He had been in a real good mood recently, and it made Sho curious. Kazu wasn’t a silent or sad character, but something had changed with him.   
  
“Did you and your ‘not so lookalike twin’ have plans for next week?” Sho asked. “You wanted to come by at our place?”   
  
“I hope you don’t plan to cook?” Kazu asked with a smile.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, I understand.” Sho rolled his eyes. He knew he was a catastrophe in kitchen, but the others didn’t need to tell him every time.   
  
“I am free on Saturday, but maybe a little later in the afternoon, because I am … out on Friday…” Kazu said.   
  
He was … out …? What did he want to say? Oh god, Sho felt something in him clenching, and he absolutely didn’t know why. “You have a date on Friday?” Was he jealous because he hadn’t had a date in forever? Yes, maybe that was the explanation for his slight feeling of throwing up.   
  
Kazu nibbled on his lower lip. Of course he didn’t want to talk about that here and now, and especially not with Sho. “Yes, it’s kind of a date.”   
  
“That’s great,” Sho said. “Who is it?”   
  
“Someone from my company.” Nino shifted nervously on his seat.   
  
“Ohhhh, someone from your company? Is she pretty?” Sho dug deeper.   
  
Nino looked up at him. He rolled his eyes and breathed out deeply. “It’s him. And yes, he is pretty.”   
  
Sho gulped. No that couldn’t be.


	12. Chapter 12

Sho walked home after work. It was a longer way, but he had the feeling that he needed some fresh air. It’s him. And yes, he is pretty. Nino’s words were still resounding in Sho’s ears. He couldn’t believe it. He had never thought that Nino would date a guy, not that he cared about it, because he himself knew that he was into men, but he was astonished that it was Nino, who felt same. And it bothered Sho much more that he wasn’t able to tell the others about his own feelings.   
  
The others still didn’t know that Sho was into men. He had never talked with someone about it, except Satoshi, who totally didn’t care about Sho’s private things. He listened to everything, and he was always there when Sho needed something, but he never interfered into his problems. Sho knew that Nino went out with some girls back in school, or were these just lies and he never had dates with them?   
  
Sho knew that Satoshi didn’t care about woman or man, he fell in love with a person, no matter who it was, and Sho could remember how Masaki came to his room two years ago, crying like madly because he had realized that he fell in love with a school mate. Sho felt uneasy because he seemed to be the only one having a problem with talking about it.   
  
Sho opened the door to his apartment and threw the shoes to the side. He took his red slippers and walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. He smiled when he looked at the picture on the wall. Jun drew it when he had been 5 years old. They were all on this picture and everyone was drawn in their very own colour Masaki had chosen for them for their first picture when they were still small.   
  
“Hey,” Sho turned when Satoshi came into the room.   
  
“Oh, you are already at home?” Sho asked. Satoshi looked tired. “Did you sleep?”   
  
“Mhm,” Satoshi hummed. He got to the fridge to take out a coke and the leftovers from the ramen Masaki had made two days ago. “The party yesterday lasted far too long.”   
  
Sho chuckled. That was so Satoshi like. He himself had never been much into partying, but Satoshi sometimes stayed away till early in the morning. “And you drank too much?”   
  
“Please, don’t talk about it,” Satoshi whined. He sat at the small table right next to the fridge. Their apartment was small, but it was enough for the both of them. After living together in one room for almost 20 years, they desired only one thing: to have a room on their own. Everything else was just luxury for them. With their jobs they weren’t able to afford more than this small apartment, but it was perfect for Sho.   
  
“Vodka? Tequila? Wine? Beer?” Sho said with a bright grin. Sometimes he just enjoyed it to tease his friend.   
  
“A bit from everything?” Satoshi had his head rested on his hands. He took a sip from his coke and closed his eyes again.   
  
“Maybe I call Masaki to make you some chicken soup?” Sho tilted his head.   
  
“I think I am not able to eat for the next two days.” Satoshi stroked his belly. He must have felt really bad on his morning.   
  
“But we only talk about alcohol right?” Sho knitted his eyebrows. He had the bad feeling that sometimes it didn’t stay with just a few drinks too much for Satoshi. He knew Satoshi’s friends after all, and they were kind of strange. Sho had seen them with different things than alcohol and one of them had boasted about some cocaine blackouts. Sho was worried about his friend, but he didn’t dare to say something, because he knew how stubborn Satoshi could be. Sho had never said a thing, because the time he had seen these guys with the drugs, they were only them, and no one else involved. Sho had been relieved that Masaki and Kazu had already gone home, and Jun wasn’t even on this party. He didn’t want to think what would had happened when they’d been there.   
  
“What are you talking about?” Satoshi looked up at Sho. Sho knew these sparkling eyes. Satoshi got hardly any time really annoyed, but this time he was angry.   
  
“I just wanted to say that I saw your ‘friends’.” Sho raised his hands and formed quotation marks with his fingers. “They didn’t drink too much, they also took some other things, and I don’t want you to be involved in such things.”   
  
“First of all, Sho-san,” Satoshi said angrily. “They are not only my ‘friends’.” He mimicked Sho’s movements. “They are goodhearted and I really like them.” He leaned forward. “And second, are you nuts?”   
  
“I just want to be sure that you don’t do something stupid.” Sho shrugged. He didn’t want to insult Satoshi, but he was really worried about him. He even didn’t like the fact that Satoshi was drinking a lot recently, he was also afraid that there could happen worse to him. He just hoped that the drinking and clubbing nights were just a matter of time till it would disappear.   
  
“Do you really think I am that stupid?” Satoshi huffed.   
  
Sho sighed. Gosh, he wished that he wouldn’t have said something. “I am sorry, I am just worried.”   
  
Satoshi’s eyes lightened up. He smiled a little bit at Sho. “Please don’t do that. I am really well aware of what I am doing. So please trust me.”   
  
Sho nodded, but he wasn’t sure if he could really trust the other.   
  
~~~  
  
Masaki could hear the door open. He wanted to jump out of his bed and ask his brother out immediately, but he knew Kazu. When he’d make a wrong step, Kazu would punish him with staying silent, and Masaki had one big weak point: he was curious to death. When there was something he wanted to know, he’d do a lot of things to get what he wanted.   
  
Masaki had his eyes closed. He waited till Kazu had taken his pyjama, till he had come back from the bathroom, and till he had lay down in his bed. Masaki shifted and turned to face Kazu’s bed. “And??”   
  
Kazu shrieked. “Gosh, you are awake?” It was dark, but Masaki was sure that Kazu glanced at him.   
  
“How can I sleep when you are on a date?” Masaki giggled. He slipped out of his bed, and pushed a grumbling Kazu to the side so that he was able to lie next to him. “And now tell me about it.”   
  
Kazu snorted. “Can’t you stay in your bed? It’s pretty small in one bed together.” He robbed to the side.   
  
“No way, I want to hear every single word you tell me,” Masaki grinned. He was probably more nervous about Kazu’s date then he’d be about his own, which he didn’t have, but that wasn’t important now.   
  
“And you think you don’t hear me when you lie one meter away?” Kazu grumbled. Masaki poked his side, earning a nerved giggle from the other.   
  
“Come one, tell me now,” Masaki whined.   
  
“Okay, okay,” Kazu gave in. “I tell you about it. But only because you are such a nerve wrecking twin, really.”   
  
Masaki put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. “I am ready for your story.”   
  
“It was nice, we went to a restaurant together and chatted a lot, story finished.” Masaki opened his eyes and turned to Kazu.   
  
“No, no,” he said. “You don’t get away with such a short and not detailed description. I want to know who he is? Will you see each other again? Did you kiss?”   
  
“Masaki,” Kazu growled. He rolled his eyes. “Is there a chance that you give up on asking me?”   
  
“Nope.”   
  
“Not even when I promise you to invite you out for dinner?” Kazu tried it again.   
  
Masaki rolled on his stomach and placed his head between his hands. “No chance, little brother. I want to know everything.”   
  
“You are only 1 minute older than I am, so no need to play the old and wise guy here.” Kazu poked Masaki’s nose.  
  
Masaki laughed out. “Okay, okay.”   
  
Kazu rolled on his back and rubbed his face. “Please don’t get mad, okay Masaki?”   
  
Masaki blinked. Why should he get mad with his brother? “What have you done?”   
  
Kazu didn’t say something at first. He just nibbled on his lip nervously staring at the ceiling. Masaki could feel the nervousness in him rising. “Kazu,” he said again.   
  
“Okay,” Kazu faced him. “I met this guy at my work, and we get along well. We went on a few dates already, but I didn’t dare to tell someone about it.”   
  
“Oh, that’s no problem, Kazu. It’s great that you’ve found someone you like. Why shall I be mad about it?” Masaki was confused, but he had the feeling that this wasn’t the only thing Kazu wanted to tell him.   
  
“See, we like each other, but we aren’t in love. It’s more like meeting up for some stress relieve and go separate ways afterwards,” Kazu explained.   
  
“What are you talking about?” Masaki asked.   
  
“And you tell me that you are the older one?” Kazu laughed out. “It means that we meet to have sex with each other, and go separate ways afterwards. We are no couple, and there are no bigger feelings involved. We just share a nice time together.”   
  
“But you both like what you do, right?” Masaki asked. It wasn’t what Masaki had thought of, but if his brother was happy with his life, than he was either.   
  
“Yes, I guess so.” Kazu shrugged.   
  
“Then I don’t see any problem.” Masaki nodded.   
  
“Who are you and where’s my brother?” Kazu joked.   
“Why?”   
  
“Because you are the one dreaming about a real relationship with big feelings and happy bubble pink feelings involved.” Kazu made a break. “I thought you’d be mad with me.”   
  
Masaki got Kazu’s thoughts. He couldn’t imagine a relationship like Kazu lived in right now, but that didn’t matter at all. “Kazu, as long as you both are happy with what you do, I am also happy. I just don’t want to see you suffering, okay?”   
  
Masaki looked at his brother. Even though he had told him that he was happy how his love life was going on right now, he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that it wasn’t all the truth. “It’s really okay. I like him as friend. Maybe I’ll bring him along to my birthday party?” Kazu asked.   
  
“Sure, I am curious,” Masaki said. And it wasn’t even a lie, he was really curious to get to know this stranger.   
  
“One plea, Ma-chan,” Kazu said already half asleep. His voice was already getting calmer and his eyes were half closed. “Don’t tell Sho-kun or Satoshi about it. I guess they, or better one of them, don’t react so cool like you did.”   
  
Masaki chuckled. No definitely not. But it would be funny to see Sho’s face when Kazu would tell him about his friends with benefits relationship. “No, I keep calm,” Masaki said while he climbed from Kazu’s bed back to his.   
  
He wanted to sleep, but Masaki didn’t find any rest. He thought of his brother’s words. Yes, he was the relationship-type. He couldn’t think of an open relationship or just a sex relationship, but in the end he didn’t have to think about any kind of relationship, because there was no one interested in him.   
“Shit,” Masaki cursed almost silently when he felt some tears in his eyes. This was definitely his weak point.


	13. Chapter 13

„This is Ryo,“ Kazu said. Masaki tried to hide his grin. He hardly saw his brother nervous, but this time it was something different.   
  
“Hello.” The young man bowed in front of Masaki. “Nice to meet you.” He was really handsome, Kazu hadn’t promised too much. His smile was mesmerising, and his small eyes were sparkling like they had different colours.   
  
“I am Masaki, Kazu’s brother.” Masaki smiled at him. They sat opposite Masaki. Their body language was tensed and they both were nervous about this situation. Somehow Masaki could understand them of course, but on the other hand there was no reason to be. Masaki was happy when Kazu was, so as long as this was the fact, he’d like every guy Kazu would introduce to him.   
  
“What do you want, Ryo? I go and order something for you,” Masaki suggested.   
  
Ryo waved his hands. “No, you are invited. I get the things for us. What do you want to have?”   
  
Cute, Masaki thought. It was just a pity that this wasn’t a relationship between Kazu and Ryo but just a bed-thing. But nevertheless they seemed happy about what they shared. “Thank you. I want a caramel coffee.”   
  
“And a double chocolate frozen coffee for you, right?” Ryo smiled at Kazu, who just nodded with a slight rosy blush on his cheeks.   
  
Masaki waited till the other had disappeared in the shop. “He is really nice.”   
  
Kazu looked at Ryo and nodded. He was so absent-minded. Masaki didn’t know his brother like this. It made him giggle happily. He poked Kazu’s cheek. “You are far away with your thoughts.”   
  
Kazu turned to him. “I am sorry, Masaki. What did you say?”   
  
“He is nice,” Masaki repeated his words.   
  
“He is.” Kazu nodded.   
  
Masaki looked up. He felt his heartbeat rising. “Oh, oh, Kazu, I think we have a problem.” Kazu turned to follow Masaki’s look.   
  
“What are they doing here?” He snorted.   
  
“I told you to meet close to the kindergarten and not here, where Sho and Satoshi are often around,” Masaki said.   
  
“What shall we do?” Kazu whined.   
  
“We hope that they don’t see us?” Masaki shrugged. But of course this wouldn’t happen, they both knew that, and before they could talk about any further plan, they already heard Sho calling their name.   
  
“I didn’t know that you meet here today, why didn’t you call us?” Sho smiled at them.   
  
“Yes, we could have met for lunch instead of coffee now,” Satoshi agreed.   
  
“We…,” Kazu said. His cheeks were deep red now, and his eyes wandered to the shop again and again. He was nervous, and Masaki really felt sorry. He wanted to help him, he just didn’t have any idea how to get away from it. He gave Kazu an apologetic smile. “I am here with my boyfriend, and I wanted to introduce him to Masaki first, because I didn’t want to confront him with three people.” Okay, it was half the truth, but better than telling the others that he met with his … Masaki didn’t know how to call Ryo. Friend? Fuck buddy? Boyfriend?   
  
“You, what?” Sho shrieked. His smile faded and Masaki blinked at that. What was the problem now? He already knew that Kazu met with a guy? Why was he that tensed out of sudden?   
  
Kazu looked at Sho. “Why do you sound so astonished? Do you think it’s not possible for me to have a boyfriend?” Kazu huffed. He looked hurt, and Masaki was sure that Kazu would get bitchy if there’d be more strange comments from Sho. He rolled his eyes Great, and he was the one who’d need to listen to Kazu’s nagging afterwards.   
  
“No, no,” Sho said. He raised his hands, and shook his head energetically. “I am sorry. I just wondered that you didn’t tell me and Satoshi about it.”   
  
Satoshi looked at Sho, and Masaki couldn’t hide a grin. His sight was a mixture between ‘why should I care with whom my brother goes out, because he’ll tell me if he wants to talk about it’ and ‘Sho-kun you are totally nuts, so please don’t pull me in your strange way thinking, I am not part of your strangeness’. Satoshi opened his mouth to say something, but he seemed to change his mind and closed it without saying a word.   
  
“We just got together one week ago, and I didn’t want to tell everyone about it by now,” Kazu explained. He looked at the slender figure with a plate full with coffee cups coming back to them. Masaki could feel Kazu feeling unwell in this situation. Maybe he wished to be far, far away from here.   
  
“Ryo,” he said when the other approached them. “These are my brother Satoshi and my childhood friend Sho.” He turned to the others. “Sho, Satoshi, this is Ryo, my …boyfriend.”   
  
Masaki could see Ryo blinking, but he didn’t say something and just greeted the others. “Nice to meet you.”   
  
“Where do you know each other from?” Satoshi wanted to know.   
  
Masaki could see how embarrassed the other had been right now. It had never been easy with Sho when it had been about friends from Kazu, Satoshi, Jun or Masaki, but this time it was something worse. Masaki had never experienced that Sho met one of their boyfriends or girlfriends. And when he had been correctly informed, not even Satoshi introduced someone to Sho till now. He was the one beyond them who shouldn’t know too much about the other’s private life. Masaki covered his mouth his hand to prevent the others seeing his smile, and at same time he hoped that this would never happen to him.   
  
“We work together,” Ryo explained.   
  
“Oh, you develop games?” Sho asked politely. He had never been rude to someone, but Masaki could hear in his voice, that he wasn’t happy about Ryo and Kazu.   
  
Ryo shook his head. “No, I am the one who draws the characters beforehand.”   
  
“That’s really interesting,” Satoshi said. Of course he thought like this. In the end he was an artist, and everything concerning art and drawing got Satoshi’s attention. “So you make the drafts for the games?”   
  
Ryo nodded. “Yeah, kind of, and Kazunari is the one who tests the beta versions with my figures and he is the one telling me what I shall change, or if characters don’t fit.”   
  
Sho just looked at Kazu and then at Ryo. Something in Masaki clenched. This situation was strange, and he really didn’t like the strange mood of it. Kazu was nervous, Satoshi absent-minded and naturally curious, and Sho was … he didn’t know … pissed? “Guys, I want to drive to the sea next week, do you all come along?” Masaki said. He wanted to change the topic. The others stared at him, but he could see that Kazu looked at him almost relieved.   
  
“Sure, I come along,” Kazu said.   
  
“Do we have a car?” Sho wanted to know. Yeah, that was difficult, but Masaki had already a plan. He and Kazu hadn’t enough money to buy an own car, and Satoshi and Sho pretended that they didn’t need one.   
  
“My colleague in kindergarten offered me to lend me his car. I thought it could be nice.” He smiled at the others.   
  
Satoshi shrugged. “I love the sea, so why not.”   
  
“I think it would be nice for Jun to see the sea.” Masaki had planned that for a longer time now. He had never been at the sea before, and he knew that Jun dreamed about going to surf for at least one time.   
  
“Is he the youngest one?” Ryo wanted to know.   
  
“Yes, he is twelve now,” Sho explained.   
  
“It’s a good age to start surfing,” Ryo said. He smiled at Masaki. “I can show him, if you want. I love to surf in my free time.”   
  
Masaki could see Kazu’s colour in his face fading into grey-pale. With that Kazu would have to pretend Ryo being his boyfriend for another day. But Masaki couldn’t tell the other that he wasn’t allowed to come along, especially after Ryo got introduced as Kazu’s boyfriend, even if he wasn’t.   
  
“That would be … cool,” Kazu stuttered. Masaki looked at Sho, who didn’t seem to be pleased about the fact that Ryo would accompany them.   
  
“So, we go there next Saturday?” Satoshi asked with a grin. Of course he didn’t bother who’d come along. Satoshi didn’t care about new people. As long as they were friends from his friends, everything was okay for him.   
  
“Uhm, excuse us please, we need to go back to work,” Kazu said, looking at his watch. He seemed to be glad that he could finally leave this place. “We see each other on weekend.” With that he stood up and left the coffee shop together with Ryo.   
  
“What do you think about him?” Sho turned to Masaki.   
  
Masaki shrugged. “He’s nice.”   
  
Sho’s eyes were small. He looked after Ryo and Kazu. “I don’t know.”   
  
Masaki rolled his eyes. Sho could really be a pain in the ass, and he really wondered why.


	14. Chapter 14

Sho walked home after work. He had been really confused today, and everything because of Kazu’s strange boyfriend and this strange meeting at the coffee shop. Sho loosened the tie around his neck when he walked home the last few meters to the apartment.

Something in Sho clenched terribly, but he didn’t know why. Ryo didn’t seem to be a bad guy, but Sho didn’t like him. He sighed. Maybe he was already getting strange, and not the others. Maybe he should get himself a partner and everything would become better again.

Sho slipped into the apartment and was thankful when he saw that Satoshi’s shoes weren’t here at all. So he’d have a little time for his own till Satoshi would be back at home. He placed a glass of wine on the dining table and took himself some sushi he had bought right before. Sho leaned back against his chair, looking up at the ceiling. He was so confused since days and he didn’t know what it was. He had an offer to go on a date with a friend of a friend, but Sho wasn’t interested at all. He just wondered why he was so nervous and stressed when it came to Kazu’s date. This Ryo-guy didn’t seem to be a bad guy, so why did he have the feeling that he needed to protect Kazu from him.

Sho took a sip of his wine. He didn’t want to go to the sea, but he even didn’t want to stay at home. Or maybe he’d come along and take a bunch of work with him? He could sit in a beach bar and work on his thesis. Yes, maybe he’d do this.

~~~

“No, no, you have to take this one and add it here,” Masaki explained. Jun looked at him with his big eyes. Masaki was sure that the other had no idea what he was talking about.

“I think I am really not made for mathematic,” Jun sighed. He placed the pencil on the table and leaned back. Masaki looked at him. Jun’s child-like face slowly turned into a teenage one, and he was sure that Jun would break a lot hearts soon.

“Why are you staring at me?” Jun asked.

“Nah, I just thought that you are slowly growing up. Time goes by so fast.” Masaki thought about the times he had to take care that Jun didn’t run away with his small feet, giggling like madly. And now?

Jun chuckled. He poked Masaki’s nose. “You sound like a grandpa.”

“Hey,” Masaki snorted. “I am not that old.”

Jun grinned at him. “I didn’t say that, but you sound like this.”

“You should concentrate on your exams, Jun,” Masaki grumbled. He crossed his arms and glanced at the other.

Jun shrugged and took the pencil again to solve the next mathematical formula. Masaki looked at his notes, but stayed silent. Jun should do this on his own. He had never been a mathematic genius himself, but in Jun’s current school grade, Masaki was still able to help Jun. He didn’t want to imagine what would be when he’d be in the upper classes, because Masaki often wondered how he had managed to graduate from school.

“Masaki?” Jun said when he scored under the result.

“Hm?” Masaki said, still a little absent-minded.

“I wanted to ask something.” Jun blushed a little. He bit his lips nervously, like he had always done when he did something bad.

Masaki felt a little nervousness in his belly. “What have you done?”

Jun pouted. “Why do you think that I’ve done something?”

Now Masaki had to laugh. “Because you always blush and get this strange tone in your voice when you do something bad.”

Jun scratched his head. “No, I haven’t done something. I wanted to ask you something.”

“Okay.” Masaki pulled one eyebrow up. Now he really got curious about what the other wanted from him.

Jun sighed. “I want to ask the nuns if it’s okay for me to make a course outside school.”

“Which kind of course?” Masaki wanted to know. He somehow had the feeling that they didn’t talk about a special math lesson.

Jun’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes had this strange glance. Masaki was sure that no matter what Jun would tell him now, it would be something he really wanted to do. Jun got hardly that nervous and chipper about something, so this request must come from the bottom of his heart. “I want to participate in a dance class. There is a dance school which is specialized in modern ballet.”

“That’s a great idea, why do you think that they won’t allow it?” Masaki said. This request was pretty normal, and he didn’t know why Jun was so nervous about it.

“Really?” Jun stunned.

“Sure, why shall I think that this is strange?” Masaki asked.

Jun smiled a bit. His cheeks got less red and he seemed to relax. “You know, some people I told about this plan, laughed at me, because they said that this is something for girls, but not for boys.” He stopped for a moment. “But I really want to make this.”

“Please don’t listen to them.” Masaki tousled through Jun’s hair. “If you want to do this, do it.”

 

Jun’s legs shifted and he tapped with his pen on the paper. “I can’t do this without help.”

Masaki blinked. There was something else in Jun’s behaviour. “Why?”

Jun turned to Masaki. He sighed. “I didn’t want to ask, but I decided to give it a try.” He shifted again. “This lessons cost money, but I don’t get money and the nuns said they can’t afford it. So I wanted to ask for help.” Jun raised his hands. “I’ll do everything to pay you back. I can clean your room and I don’t know, cook for you. Or I can make the household, everything.” Jun was so nervous, his words cracked.

Masaki laughed. He raised his hands to stop the other from talking. Masaki didn’t have enough money to pay the lessons for Jun, but he knew that they all together were able to afford it. “I need to talk with the others, but I am sure we’ll find a way. Let’s talk about it when we are at the sea on weekend, okay?”

Jun jumped up and hugged Masaki. He bounced up and down, which was rather rare for a twelve year old pubertal boy. “That’s so great.”

~~~

Sho sat in the car between Satoshi and Masaki, while Jun sat behind them and Kazu next to Ryo who drove the car. Sho had his arms crossed, and his bag pressed against his chest. The space was small and Masaki’s head landed on Sho’s shoulder at some point, which made Kazu giggle on the front seat. “It’s always the same. Masaki falls asleep as soon as he sits in a car.”

“At least he is not driving the car,” Jun chuckled from behind. “How long will it take till we get there?” Jun asked.

“About half an hour,” Ryo said while he looked through the driving mirror. He smiled brightly, and Sho didn’t like it. Again there was this strange feeling in him, but maybe he felt sick because he didn’t like driving much.

“I think I’ll rent a boat and go fishing a little.” Satoshi nodded at his own words.

“Oh, can we eat them in the evening?” Ryo asked. “I know a place there were we are allowed to make a bonfire. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Kazu nodded happily. “That’s a great idea, in fact Satoshi is able to get us some fish.”

“Hey,” Satoshi said. “Little brother, don’t be bratty. You know I am a great fisherman.” Satoshi said while he smiled brightly.

Sho could feel Masaki shifting next to him. “You are a bad fisherman, Satoshi.”

Satoshi leaned forward to look at his brother. “You twins are the worst, you know that, right?” He touched his chest. “You break my heart with saying that, you know,” he said theatrically.

“Don’t worry, it’s always like this between us,” Kazu said, his hand grasped for Ryo’s which was on the gear change. “We actually like each other, at least most of the time.”

Ryo looked at Kazu for a few seconds till he concentrated on the street again. “Don’t worry, I know this from my brothers. We act same.”

“You have brothers?” Masaki asked.

Ryo nodded. “Two older brothers and a younger one in Jun’s age.”

“You should have brought them along. I am sure that would have been a lot of fun.” Masaki smiled, and Sho admired him for his sunny attitude. Was there any time Masaki was bothered by something? He could cry easily, but Masaki was never deeply depressed or really sad about something – except that one day this cute little stray cat got hit by a car, and the nuns weren’t able to help her, but it was the only time Sho had seen Masaki really depressed.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, we are pretty strange,” Ryo explained. For one moment it was silent in the car till all of them started laughing.

“And you think we are normal?” Jun snorted with laughter.

“We are probably the strangest bunch of guys ever.” Sho looked from one to the other. “But that’s alright,” he added. His eyes stopped at Kazu. His belly twitched painfully. Suddenly a cold shiver ran down Sho’s spine. No, that couldn’t be…


	15. Chapter 15

Masaki laughed out loud when he saw Jun falling into the water for the hundredth time this day. Masaki had found a nice place under a tree where he had enough shadow to prevent himself from getting sunburnt.   
  
“That’s really amusing and I am really astonished that Ryo stays so calm with Jun failing at surfing so badly,” Kazu chuckled. He sat next to Masaki and handed him a bottle of water.   
  
Masaki looked at his twin. Sometimes he wondered if it really could be that they were twins. They were so different, and they didn’t look same in neither way. But maybe that was the reason they got along so well. Masaki could remember the few days were Kazu had been in hospital because he had had broken his leg. Masaki was feeling off for almost the whole time. Something was missing around him. Of course he was still a child back then, and he was used to Kazu around him, but Masaki liked the thought that it was also matter of them being twins. “Are you okay, Kazu?” Masaki wanted to know.   
  
“Mhm,” Kazu said, sipping on his water. “No, actually not.”   
  
Masaki turned to the other. “Is it about Ryo?”   
  
Kazu nodded. “You know, I didn’t want anyone to know about us, except you.” He sighed. “And now? Everyone thinks that we are a couple. That sucks.”   
  
Masaki nodded. “And what does Ryo think?”   
  
Kazu lay back on the sand and stared at the sunny sky. “He laughed about it and told me that everything is okay. He doesn’t have a problem with this small lie.”   
  
Masaki didn’t understand his brother’s thoughts. For him everything sounded alright, but Kazu was bothered by something. “But if the two of you feel same, and you know what your relationship is about, it alright, isn’t it?”   
  
Kazu turned to the side. He rubbed some sand between his fingers and let it fall back on the ground. The bratty and impish attitude was completely gone and there was something vulnerable and sad in Kazu’s eyes. What the hell was going on with him, but suddenly Masaki sat upright. “Oh, I know what happened. You have someone else in your mind, right? Someone you like and you want to be with, but it doesn’t work out and now you take heart with meeting Ryo.”   
  
Kazu grunted. “God, sometimes you are really annoying. Why do you know this?”   
  
Masaki smiled, even though he felt bad for his brother. His situation must have been hard for him. “I was right?”   
  
Kazu sighed. He was really bad with holding back the truth. His cheeks were flushed and he bit his lips nervously. He wanted to say something, when Sho and Satoshi approached them from behind.   
  
“I really don’t want to be out there,” Satoshi said. He sat next to Masaki and stared at Jun out there on his board.   
  
“No, me neither,” Masaki chuckled. He looked at Kazu from the corner of his eyes. He was still blushing, and Masaki knew that this wasn’t the end of their talk, he’d ask his brother again this evening.   
  
~~~  
  
Sho felt something in him clenching when Ryo approached them under their tree, placing a kiss on Kazu’s cheek. The feeling Sho had pushed aside for more than two years now grew, and he didn’t like it. It was not right to fall for Kazu, they were like brothers after all.   
  
So probably it was the best thing that Kazu had found someone to share his life with and maybe Sho should go on with his own life.   
  
“That was amazing,” Jun laughed. “Have you seen me?” He asked his friends.   
  
“Sure, we watched everything,” Masaki grinned. “And we saw every fall in the blue ocean,” he giggled.   
  
“Oh come on, I wasn’t that bad. It was my first time on the boat after all,” Jun whined. He really looked sad about Masaki’s joke.   
  
“No, no,” Masaki said. “You were really good. I don’t want to imagine me on that thing out there.”   
  
“Hey,” Masaki said when they sat together under the big tree, drinking a cold coconut milk. “Jun wanted to talk with us about something.” He smiled encouragingly at Jun.   
  
Jun’s cheeks were flushed and he definitely didn’t want to talk with everyone listening to him. “I … I got the chance to dance in a private dance school, but the problem is that I don’t have the money to pay for it. I wanted to ask you for help.” He bowed.   
  
“I think I can give you some money for the dance school,” Kazu smiled. He shrugged when everyone stared at him. “What?”   
  
“You out of us all you say at first that you pay something? You? Who don’t even have enough money for lunch because you want to save every yen you earn?” Satoshi laughed.   
  
“Hey, this here is about family and education, it’s okay to spend money on necessary things,” Kazu explained with a grin.   
  
“Where is my brother, and what have you done with him?” Masaki asked.  
  
“Of course we’ll help you,” Sho said.   
  
Masaki could see Jun’s face turning into a bright smile. “Thank you so much.”   
  
“But we want to see you in your auditions and each and every of your performances,” Masaki said. He knew that Jun had no problem with audience and he’d happily agree to everything they wanted from him.   
  
“Sure. I have two auditions next week, please come to see me dance.” Masaki loved to see Jun that happy.   
  
~~~  
  
The lights went out and Sho saw a white light on the stage appearing. He had never seen Jun so nervous before, but when he entered the stage it was like he was in his own world and nothing and no one could interrupt him. He had seen Jun dancing in the orphanage and in school performances, but to see him in this rather big theatre was amazing.   
  
“It was definitely right to give him the money for the dance school,” Masaki whispered next to Sho. He smiled. “He is amazing, isn’t he?”   
  
Masaki was right, Jun had talent and Sho was sure that he had hardly anyone seen moving like Jun did. Sho had never been into dancing and he already feared that it would become boring, but it was more opposite. Sho could have sat there for another hour, watching Jun dancing.   
  
They waited outside till Jun approached them after the show. “Did you like it?” He asked happily.   
  
“It was amazing, really. Not even Kazu fell asleep,” Masaki giggled.   
  
“Hey, I don’t fall asleep in theatre,” Kazu complained.   
  
“Yes, because you never ever go to theatre.” Masaki had a sheepish grin around his lips, but he was right, Kazu never ever attended to cultural things, except video game conventions, and that wasn’t traditional culture at all.   
  
“But it really was amazing, Jun. You are really talented. We spend our money in the right thing,” Kazu said.   
  
“Thank you.” Jun bowed.   
  
“How about dinner?” Sho asked. “On my treat.”   
  
“Perfect.” Kazu rubbed his belly. “I am already starving.” He looked at Sho.  
  
~~~  
  
They sat together in the small restaurant near the theatre. Jun seemed so overall glad that everyone came to see him.   
  
Sho looked at Satoshi, who ordered the third beer after just sitting together for one hour. He definitely needed to take a closer look at Satoshi during the next months. There was definitely something off and Sho was sure that Satoshi’s new friends were the reason for that.   
  
“And there’ll be four or five more performances this year,” Jun said.   
  
“The same performance?” Kazu asked, and Sho could hear in Kazu’s voice that he wished that it would be the same performance, because otherwise it would mean that they had to visit the theatre more often.   
  
“No, different ones, and yes, you are forced to come to each and every one,” Jun chuckled. He definitely knew how to tease Kazu.   
  
“Each one?” Kazu breathed out. “I mean you are a wonderful dancer, but three hours …”   
  
Jun laughed out loud. He was really getting more adult-like. He was more mature and his interests had changed during the last months. Jun got more ambitious when it came to his dreams. He still had time to think about his future, but he had told Sho some time ago that he wished to apply for university. He wanted to become a dancer, and he wanted to study it, but he was well aware that the way to become a professional dancer was a long way.   
  
Sho looked around. They were all so different, but also similar. Sho had become a lawyer, Satoshi was the artist, Masaki had his kindergarten and Kazu his video games, and Jun would become a dancer. It was perfect. They were a perfect mixture of different characters with different interests.   
  
Sho’s eyes rested on Kazu. He wondered how Kazu and Ryo’s relationship would go on, but he shook his head almost immediately. No, he wasn’t allowed to think about it. He wasn’t allowed to interfere into this, he was just curious how their future would go on and where they dreams would lead them too.


	16. Chapter 16

  
“And that’s it,” Masaki said when he placed the last box on the ground. He could here Kazu panting behind him.   
  
“Can you help me with our bags, please?” He breathed out deeply. Masaki ran downstairs to help his brother with two big bags. “Gosh, what do you have in there? Stones?”   
  
Masaki smiled at him. “No, just clothes.”   
  
“You know that you are crazy? How can someone buy that much clothes?” Kazu grumbled. Masaki looked at him. His brother really didn’t spend much money on clothes, and sometimes it made Masaki annoyed, because he couldn’t understand how someone could be that parsimonious. But he wouldn’t start a fight now. It was their first day in their new apartment, and no one would make his good mood turn into a bad one.   
  
They stepped into the apartment. “We finally have our first own home.” Masaki was delighted. It took them one year to find an apartment which was affordable for them. Masaki was still in the middle of his education in the kindergarten, and Kazu had finished his’ two months ago and the gaming company had decided to keep him employed.   
  
“Hey, hey.” The door on the other side opened and Sho looked out at them.   
  
“Finally you have all your stuff here,” Sho said with a smile. “I am sorry that I wasn’t able to help you moving, but I had to work all day long.” It was strange to live next to Sho and Satoshi again, and Masaki couldn’t tell what exactly it was, but he was sad. Maybe he missed Jun already, who had moved into the student orphanage some weeks ago.   
  
“Hey,” Satoshi came up the stairs. “You finally moved.”   
  
Masaki looked at his brother. Satoshi didn’t look all over good. He looked tired and his face was pale. He looked at Sho, who shrugged. What was going on here? He had never seen Satoshi like this, or maybe Satoshi had been like this for a longer time and he just hid it when they met up all together?   
  
“We go and unpack everything now.” Kazu breathed out. “I mean when I am able to breathe again.”   
  
Masaki smiled. “You are really something.”   
  
Kazu rolled his eyes. “I carried up all the stuff, I am tired.” It was a good decision to move here, Masaki felt good, and he was sure that the others were happy to be around each other again.   
  
“Jun will come by later on, he is at university till afternoon, but maybe we can cook something together afterwards?” Masaki asked the others.   
  
“I am not at home, I need to do things for the next exhibition,” Satoshi said.   
  
“But the exhibition is in one month.” Masaki’s feeling about something being wrong grew bigger.   
  
“I don’t have time, okay?” Satoshi grunted.   
  
Masaki raised his hands. “It’s okay. I don’t force anyone into anything. If you don’t have time, it’s okay.”   
  
Masaki could see Sho glancing at Satoshi, but the other just nodded and turned to walk into their apartment.   
  
“What the hell is wrong with him?” Kazu whispered.   
  
Sho shook his head. “I seriously have no idea.”   
  
Now Masaki started getting worried. He was sure that Sho had already a guess that there was something off, but it seemed that Satoshi wasn’t even talking with Sho, it had to be something really bad.   
  
“But you are free?” Masaki asked Sho.   
  
Sho was still looking into the apartment where Satoshi had disappeared. “Yes, I am free. I am just off to work now, but I’ll be back in time.”  
  
“Good, I will prepare some food,” Masaki smiled. At least the others weren’t acting strange.   
  
~~~  
  
Masaki had the chilli on the oven and the muffins were almost done baking. He loved the smell of fresh chocolate-mint muffins.   
  
“Oh my god, I am already so hungry,” Kazu said. They had worked the whole day to make the empty apartment to something cosy and comfortable. Masaki was happy that Kazu let him plan everything for the apartment, because otherwise it would have been a table, a couch and a TV. Nothing more, nothing less.   
  
Masaki had placed the picture with their vow on the wall and some pictures from all of them covered the walls in the whole apartment. In two rooms he had placed Satoshi’s art.   
  
Masaki’s bedroom was filled with photos and memories from the orphanage, his friends and some pictures from his children now in the kindergarten, while Kazu’s room was … white .. .with a bed inside.   
  
“Jun is on the way, and Sho is already at home, he just takes a shower. We’ll eat soon,” Masaki said. He knew he sounded mommy like, but he didn’t care about it.   
  
“Masaki, I am really worried about Satoshi,” Kazu said out of the blue.   
  
Masaki looked up. Yes, he definitely felt same. “I hope he is okay. I don’t know him like this.”   
  
“I wonder what’s going wrong with him. It’s not the Satoshi we know.” Kazu looked at the oven absent-minded. “Do you think it has something to do with Maya?”   
  
Satoshi’s last relationship had last two years till Maya ended it from one day to the other. They were all shocked, because Satoshi had already spoken about an own family and moving in together.   
  
After that break up Satoshi had started being more closed, and now he seemed into other troubles. “I just hope he doesn’t start the crap from a few years ago again.” Masaki said.   
  
“You mean the alcohol?” Kazu asked. His voice sounded worried.   
  
Right after Sho and Satoshi had moved in their apartment and Satoshi had his exhibition, he had slipped into something no good. He had met the wrong people and soon he was stuck in a vicious circle. Luckily it didn’t take them long to get Satoshi out of it, but every time he experienced something bad, the others feared that he’d fall back in old patterns and start with drinking again. “Yes. But I believe in him, and I hope it’s just a matter of bad mood and nothing worse.”   
  
“I hope you’re right,” Kazu said. “But …” he started, but Masaki stopped him, when he heard a noise at the door.   
  
“Jun?” He asked.   
  
“Hey,” Jun’s voice resounded from the door. Masaki didn’t want that the other got pulled in their worries. Jun was already 20, but nevertheless he was still the youngest among them. He came to the kitchen and for one moment Masaki’s heart jumped. What the hell was this? He had never felt his stomach moving when Jun entered the room.   
  
He became a serious good looking young man during the last years. He had his black hair a little longer and big glasses covered his eyes. He had a long sleeved pullover and tight jeans, and he just looked good. Masaki shook his head. He had to smile about his own thoughts. This was ridiculous.   
  
“Wow, your apartment is amazing,” Jun said. “And you are able to see the Sky tree from here.”   
  
“Yes, we were lucky to get this apartment,” Masaki said.   
  
“How’s university going?” Kazu asked.   
  
Jun shrugged. “Good I guess. I have two exams next week.”   
  
“Dancing exams?” Masaki asked. He was so happy that Jun had gone his way and he was still so chipper about his dancing skills and his chance to dance in big theatres since he had entered university. He had been one of the best students in his year.   
  
“Yes, one dancing exam and one exam about dancing history,” Jun explained.   
  
“That sounds … interesting,” Kazu said. No, it was definitely not interesting, at least not for Kazu or Masaki.   
  
“But when you’re done with your exams we can make a short trip to the sea, what do you think about?” Masaki asked.   
  
He could see Jun blushing. “You know … actually …. I already planned something.” He seemed nervous. “I got to know someone … and we meet regularly … I guess we are kind of together.”   
  
“Ohhhh that’s so nice,” Kazu chirped. “Who is she? And if you need some sex tips, don’t ask Masaki, he is too prude to talk about it.” Kazu winked.   
  
Something in Masaki clenched. Jun had a relationship? He should be happy about it, but there was a kind of sadness spreading in him, maybe also because he hadn’t had one single relationship until now. “You’re stupid, Kazu,” Masaki tried sounding happy.   
  
Jun was still nervous. He nibbled on his lower lip and he looked from Kazu to Masaki and back. “Ah, she is actually a he … and he is in my dancing class.”  
  
Kazu pulled Jun along till they sat at the table. Kazu seemed all chipper about it, and he was already about to ask Jun hundreds of questions, when Sho entered the room. Masaki didn’t know why, but suddenly Kazu was silent and didn’t ask anything anymore.   
  
“What are you talking about?” Sho wanted to know.   
  
“Jun meets someone, and Kazu asking him all the embarrassing questions,” Masaki explained dryly. He was glad that Sho interrupted them, because he didn’t want to hear about Jun’s new found love. Masaki tried ignoring the feeling in him. Jun was like his little brother, he had raised him up, so what was this about now? It was totally not good what happened in his belly and heart.   
  
“I prepare the food for you, sit down,” Masaki said and walked up to the kitchen. He took a glass and drank some water. He needed to calm down, otherwise this would go a totally wrong way.   
  
~~~  
  
Sho looked at Jun, who was still slightly blushing. He had stopped wondering about certain behaviours of his friends, because they had always been kind of special, but Masaki’s sparkle in his eyes and Kazu’s way of closing up when Sho entered the room was new to him, and he didn’t like it.   
  
“So, who is it?” Sho asked after dinner.   
  
“Who is who?” Jun asked. “Oh,” he said after a short pause. Sho and Jun stood on the balcony, looking at the sun disappearing behind the horizon. “It’s someone from my dance class. He is nice, really. Maybe I can bring him along one day?”   
  
“Sure,” Sho said with a smile. “I don’t see a problem with doing that.”   
  
Jun sighed. Something was burdening him. “But I guess Masaki has a problem with it.”   
  
Sho turned to look at Masaki and Kazu inside. They seemed to argue about something, but they had the door closed and Sho couldn’t hear what their talk was about. “Why do you think this? You know what you mean to Masaki.”   
  
Jun shook his head. “It’s just a feeling. He didn’t say anything, but his body language changed so drastically when I told them about my friend.”   
  
Sho placed his hand on Jun’s shoulder. “Don’t be stupid. It’s Masaki after all.”   
  
Jun nodded. “Maybe you are right.”   
  
Sho had a question he wanted to ask since forever, but he had never found the courage to do so. “Do you know something about Kazu and Ryo?” He finally asked.   
  
Jun looked at him. He seemed surprised. “He didn’t tell you?”   
  
Sho shook his head, his heart beat increasing. “No.”   
  
“They broke up some time ago. After they had ended their bed-thing and started dating for real they had found out that it didn’t work for both of them,” Jun explained. “But I guess that’s okay. They both wanted it that way.”   
  
Sho’s belly made some jumps. He wondered why Kazu didn’t tell him about his break up? Was he really that far away from his friends that they didn’t speak about their problems with him anymore?   
  
He saw Kazu standing in the living room waving his hands wildly. They were definitely discussing something. The door to the balcony opened and Kazu looked at them. “Jun, I have something to show to you, would you come with me?”   
  
Jun looked at Sho, who shrugged. “Okay,” Jun said carefully. He was insecure what this all was about, but he followed Kazu out of the apartment.   
  
Sho stepped into the apartment, finding Masaki on the couch, the pillow between his hands, his head on the pillow. “What happened?”   
  
Masaki looked up. “I don’t know. We started discussing about some things, and one thing lead to the other. And now he is mad with me, and I am mad with him.”   
  
Sho laughed. “That’s so you.” He sat next to Masaki. “You always fight and finally you see that you are equal stupid – you are twins after all.”   
  
Masaki smiled. “I hope you are right.”   
  
“What did you fight about?” Sho wanted to know. He looked at Masaki’s face, and he didn’t need the other’s words to know that Masaki wouldn’t speak about it.   
  
“I promised not to tell anyone, not even you.” Masaki shrugged. Sho knew that Masaki always held his words. If he said that he’d keep quiet about something, he’d do this no matter what happened.   
  
“It’s okay. But tell me, are you okay?” Sho asked.   
  
Masaki nodded slowly – too slow. “No, Masaki, you aren’t okay.”   
  
Masaki nibbled on his lips and tears in his eyes overwhelmed him.


	17. Chapter 17

Sho turned in his bed. It was far past midnight when he heard someone rummaging in the apartment. It was terribly noisy and every time Sho tried to sleep again, he heard another noise. He finally stood up and walked outside, finding Satoshi sitting in the kitchen, the fridge’s door open and some bottles of Whiskey and beer around him. Sho sighed. “Oh gosh, I already feared something like this.”

“Let me,” Satoshi said. “I am okay.”

Sho knelt next to him. “No, you’re definitely not.”

“I am worthless, Sho. She left me because I am not able to show any kind of feelings. She started hating me,” Satoshi almost yelled.

“Don’t be stupid, Satoshi.” Sho tried to calm the other down. But Satoshi started yelling again, telling him that he was worthless, bad, terrible … Sho could feel anger in him rising, till he raised his hand and slapped Satoshi. “Stop it now. I won’t let you talk like that about yourself.”

Satoshi sobbed. Sho had never seen his friend like this before. Satoshi had always been calm and it wasn’t true that he didn’t care about others. “But …” Satoshi started, but Sho immediately interrupted him.

“No. There is no ‘but’. You took care of me, when I had been a child, and you cared of the others probably more than I did,” Sho said. “Can you remember the day Masaki hurt his knee? You were the one helping him, because I was just running in circles. And the day Masaki and Kazu ran away? You kept the overview and you were the one finding them, because you listened to them, when they were talking to you. You remembered about every word they had told you. And I was again just running in circles.”

Satoshi brushed away some tears with the sleeve of his pullover. “But Maya, …”

“No, she is a stupid … bitch,” Sho said. He could see Satoshi staring at him with eyes wide open, before Satoshi started laughing out loud. “What?”

“I never ever heard you talking like that, Sho-san.” Satoshi hiccupped. “My life is a mess,” he added.

Sho took the bottle of alcohol out of Satoshi’s hand. “And we’ll clean that mess, but first of all, you stop with this crap, okay?”

Satoshi nodded. “Okay.”

~~~

Masaki waited in the living room till Kazu came back home. He could hear the door got open and someone stepped in. He turned to look at Kazu, who looked sad. “I am sorry, Ma-chan.” He said when he came up to Masaki.

“No problem, Kazu, I am sorry too,” Masaki said. “I didn’t want to fight over silly things.”

Kazu shook his head. “We both overreact a bit.”

“Sho asked me what happened,” Masaki said. He didn’t want to hide anything from his brother. “And you know I am a bad liar.”

Masaki could see Kazu stop moving. “Did you tell him?”

Masaki shook his head. “No. Of course not. But I told him about something bothering me, and I guess he’ll go on my nerves from now on.”

Kazu came closer and placed his hands around Masaki’s neck. “You are the best twin.”

“I know,” Masaki said with a laugh. “But promise me that you’ll speak about everything one day.”

“I promise,” Kazu said.

~~~

Masaki turned in his bed. It was late at night, but he still couldn’t sleep. His talk with Sho some days ago still resounded in his mind. It burdened him every night since back then. He had really told him that he was frustrated because he felt unloved. Of course Sho had told him that this was nonsense and that everyone loved Masaki, but it wasn’t the same. He knew that his brothers and his friends loved him, but that wasn’t same.

When Jun had told them that he had someone he liked, Masaki felt sad, and he a part of him wished that he’d be the one … wait a moment … no, he couldn’t think that he hoped that he was the one Jun would like. Jun was kind of his little brother, even though he was only six years older. He didn’t tell Sho about his feelings for Jun, he had just told him that he was sad because he hadn’t anyone he liked and no one seemed to be interested in him.

Masaki could see Sho’s eyes getting darker and a little frustrated himself, but he said nothing at all, but that wasn’t necessary. Masaki had already recognized what was going on, and he just wondered when they’d finally realize it, but he wouldn’t interfere in someone else’s life.

Masaki heard his mobile vibrating. It was 2am, who called him at this time?

It was a message from Jun.

Jun-pon:  
Masa-chan, are you aawakke?

Masaki sighed. That didn’t sound good. Jun never made mistakes in his messages, nor did he call him Masa-chan.

Masaki:  
Are you okay, Jun?

Jun-pon:  
I feel soooo good. No wait, I’mmm drunkkk

Masaki:  
Jun, please, you are too young to drink, where are you?

Jun-pon:  
Cllos to yourrr homue

That was definitely bad. Jun never drank anything because of his training, and he hardly ever went out at night. Masaki wondered what happened to him.

Masaki:  
You come here, now!!

Jun-pon:  
Okei

Masaki slipped out of his bed. He’d wait for Jun in the living room. Masaki sneaked out, but there was no need to be quiet, Kazu’s door to his room was open, and there was no one inside. Masaki should wonder where he had been, but he had to think about Jun now.

Masaki opened the door when he heard a loud knock – which could wake up the whole neighbourhood. “Come in.” Masaki held Jun by his hand when he stumbled into the apartment, giggling. “I am a little bit tipsy.”

“Okay, sit down now. I bring you some water,” Masaki said. He walked into the kitchen and took a glass with water and walked back to Jun, who lay on the couch, already snoozing away.

Masaki placed the glass and some painkillers on the table and walked back to his room to get a second blanket for Jun. He returned and Jun had already coiled up on the couch. He was deep asleep, but Masaki was sure that that wouldn’t last long, because sooner or later he’d need to get rid of the alcohol.

~~~

Sho walked upstairs to the roof top. He had the laundry in a basket. Satoshi and Sho had a rather strict household plan, because otherwise they knew it would look like after a bomb had exploded in their rooms.

After Satoshi had opened up to Sho some days ago, they had made another plan. First of all Sho had thrown away all alcoholic things from their apartment, and second he had arranged a meeting with a psychologist to help Satoshi getting out of his dark mood.

Satoshi had told him that the most important thing were his friends, and that he knew he could rely on them, but he felt so broken when his future plan broke into thousands of pieces and he didn’t know if he’d be able to feel something for someone ever again. Sho didn’t doubt that Satoshi would find someone again, but he had always been the weakest when it came to feelings.

No one could read Satoshi’s deepest thoughts easily, but Sho knew him for so long, he could interpret every single of Satoshi’s moods. Satoshi was the most silent one between them, but he had the most feelings burdening him. He was insecure and kind of weak, even though everyone thought he was the strongest. He often seemed unaffected by everything, but it was opposite, he was the most effected by feelings.

“Sho?” Sho shrieked when someone suddenly talked behind him.

“God, Kazu, don’t scare me to death,” Sho grumbled. “What are you doing on the rooftop past midnight?”

“I could ask you same?” Kazu sighed.

“I can’t sleep and I love the fresh air at night,” Kazu said. “Did you wash Satoshi’s shirts again?”

Sho sighed. He hated Kazu’s sharp mind. He was really too attentive. “Can you keep a secret?”

They sat on the small bench. “Satoshi has a problem. And he is … sweating a lot.”

Kazu nodded. “I know.”

“You do?” Sho stunned.

Kazu nodded. He really wasn’t easy to fool. “He acted different since his break up and he was always drinking too much when we went out together. It wasn’t that difficult to guess that there is something wrong.”

Sho leaned back. He hoped he could hide these things from the younger ones. “You all know?”

“At least Masaki and me. Jun isn’t around that often during the last months, so I guess he is still clueless,” Kazu said.

“Good. Keep it as a secret, please.” Sho placed the laundry basket on the ground. “Are you okay, Kazu?”

Kazu winced when he had asked that question, so there was really something wrong with him. “No, everything is perfect.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you broke up with Ryo long ago?” Sho nibbled on his lips. He had never dared to ask Kazu this, but he was hurt. Did Kazu stop trusting him? Or was he annoyed because of something? Or worse: did he realize that Sho behaved strange when he was talking with Kazu?

“I am sorry, Sho. I didn’t want to go on your nerves with my little lovesickness,” Kazu explained.

Sho could feel his heart beat increasing. “I always thought that you were only together because of … argh … you know, sex.”

Kazu smiled at him. “Still prude?”

“Oh shut up,” Sho poked Kazu’s side.

“At first it was like that, but the feeling grew, especially after you all thought that we were together for real,” Kazu explained.

“Why did you break up then?”

Kazu sighed. He rubbed his face. “Ryo told me that my heart,” he made a pause. “My heart didn’t belong to him. He ended it.”

“I am really sorry to hear that,” Sho said. He placed his hand on Kazu’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. I guess we are still friends.” Sometimes Sho wondered about Kazu’s positive way of thinking.

“And why are you up here?” Sho asked further.

Kazu shrugged. “I love the place here to think about this and that.” He turned to Sho. “But you aren’t here just because of the laundry either, right?”

Sho shook his head. “The whole situation with Satoshi makes me worried, and I don’t know. Everything is a mess.” He turned to Kazu. “Do you know about Masaki and his feelings?”

“You mean that he feels bad because he had never been loved by someone?” Kazu asked.

“That and the thing with Jun,” Sho said.

Kazu froze. He looked at Sho with eyes wide open. “Why? How?”

Sho laughed. “He didn’t tell me, if you think about this, but I know you all so well, and it’s so obvious.”

Kazu sighed. “And you think it’s awkward and disgusting?”

“No,” Sho yelled out. “Of course not, what do you think of me?”

“It’s what Masaki thinks. He knows Jun so long, and he is kind of a brother for him, just that his feelings grew. Masaki had cried so many nights, Sho. I can’t take this anymore. He thinks so bad about himself, and no matter how often I tell him that everything is okay, and it’s okay to feel like this, he wouldn’t believe me.” Kazu was worried and it burdened him. “And you know what’s the strangest thing about it?”

“That Jun might feel same?” Sho asked, earning a laugh from Kazu.

“So we already have the overview, but Masaki and Jun haven’t. They are so stupid,” Kazu whined.

Sho nodded. “I really don’t think that this is strange, really not.” Sho’s heart pounded against his chest. This talk was strange, because Sho knew that he could switch Masaki’s name with his and Jun’s name with Kazu’s, he just was too much of a coward to tell Kazu about it.

“Hey, look down there. Isn’t this Jun?” Kazu pointed at a man stumbling to the entrance.

“He is drunk …” Sho said angrily. “Oh I will so scold him for that.” He wanted to stand up, but Kazu held him back.

“I think it’s not necessary, I am sure he’ll visit Masaki, and Masaki isn’t really nice when it’s about drunken states,” Kazu said. “I just … can I stay at your place? I don’t think it’s good to go home now.”

Sho laughed. “You think to give them time alone will help them?”

Kazu shrugged. “I tried to put a little thought in Masaki’s mind. I just hope it worked out.”

“I hope you succeeded.” Sho stood up. “Come, help me with the laundry, and then let’s head back to the apartment.”

“Hey, you didn’t tell me about every reason you are here tonight?” Kazu asked. Again Sho felt caught. Could he tell Kazu the truth? “Maybe I am not that different from Masaki,” he finally just said and started placing the laundry on the cloth line.

“Wait?” Kazu pulled him back and made Sho looking at him. “What?”


	18. Chapter 18

Masaki woke up when he heard a knock at his door. He turned and opened his eyes. “Jun?” He asked when he saw the slender figure at the doorframe. “Did you throw up? Are you feeling bad? Do you need something?”

“Too many questions,” Jun just said. His voice was weak and he sounded sad. Masaki sat up immediately. He didn’t like the tone in Jun’s voice. He knew it was party because Jun had been really drunk, but there was something else, something different in his voice…

“What happened?” Masaki could see Jun stepping into the room and he came up to Masaki’s place, sitting down there at the border of it.

“My friend … he … left me,” Jun’s voice broke.

Masaki tilted his head. “I am so sorry to hear that, Jun.” He touched Jun’s shoulder, but Jun evaded.

“No, please don’t,” he said.

Now Masaki got afraid. What did that mean? Why did Jun evade him? Jun turned to look at Masaki. “I think I am a bad person.”

“What?” Masaki asked. “Jun, no matter what you did, you aren’t a bad person.” Masaki touched Jun’s shoulder again, this time Jun didn’t move away. “Tell me.”

“I can’t …” Jun sobbed.

“Jun,” Masaki said harshly. “You can’t come into my room, crying here, making my heart almost stop, and then don’t say a word. So, tell me now.”

Jun blinked. “I am afraid that I ruin our friendship and the whole little world we five have created.”

“I promise you that this won’t happen, okay?” Masaki made a vow with his fingers.

Jun took a deep breath, and a second one, and a third one, before he finally turned to Masaki. “I broke up with my friend, because I feel something for someone else.”

Masaki started feeling nervous. Did he really want to know what Jun wanted to tell him here? “And the problem is?” Was Masaki’s voice shaking? He hoped he didn’t sound too nervous at all.

“The problem is that … the person … damn … it’s you,” Jun almost shouted the last words and his cheeks turned into deep red.

Masaki blinked. He needed some moments till he realized what that meant. “You? Me?”

Jun raised his hands. “I know, it’s ridiculous and it’s wrong.”

Masaki took Jun’s hands and held them in his. “Okay, I always thought same, but you know, it’s not. We aren’t related and there are just six years between us, it’s not wrong and it’s not weird.” Masaki would thank Kazu later on for his words. He had told him hundreds of times that Masaki wasn’t insane, and that it wasn’t wrong.

“You, you feel same?” Jun asked slowly.

Masaki smiled at Jun. He placed his hand around Jun’s neck and pulled him closer. He had decided to push all his worries away. He wouldn’t think about anything now. He placed his lips on Jun’s and waited for a reaction. Jun leaned into it, and soon they were lying on Masaki’s bed in a tight embrace, kissing each other from time to time, but mostly looking at each other while they smiled. Now Masaki knew what he had missed during the last year.

“And the best thing is, that I knew you better than anyone else,” Masaki laughed out. “I already have changed your diapers after all.”

“Oh come on, that’s not fair,” Jun whined but smiled at Masaki afterwards.

Now Masaki knew why he had never let someone close to him. He had known that there was someone else waiting for him, and he liked the thought that Jun had come to his life 19 years ago to be at his side forever – cheesy he knew it, but that’s how he had been.

“What are you thinking about?” Jun wanted to know. He had his hand intertwined with Masaki’s.

“We are a strange bunch of guys, really,” Masaki said. He looked at Jun and let his fingers wander over Jun’s cheek. “Strange but lovely.”

“And good looking,” Jun chuckled.

“Of course,” Masaki smiled and leaned forward to kiss the other again.

~~~

Sho looked at Kazu, who lay on his bed. He was already dozing off. He hated himself for telling Kazu about having a similar problem Masaki had. He didn’t know if Kazu had really listened to him, because in the end he hadn’t reacted to it.

“You stare at me,” Kazu said with his eyes closed.

Sho was sure that he blushed in this moment. “Sorry.”

Kazu sat up. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his hands around his legs. He placed his head on his knees. “What did you mean up there on the roof?”

“What?” Sho tried sounding like he had no idea what he was talking about.

“You talked about Masaki’s problems.” Kazu rolled his eyes. Okay, he couldn’t make Kazu think that he hadn’t said something.

“It’s not that important,” Sho smiled. “Really.”

Kazu snorted. “As if I believe this.” He stayed silent for a moment before he continued. “You are in love but you think it’s wrong?”

Sho breathed out. “It’s you, okay?”

“What?”

Sho turned to Kazu. “I always liked you. Already when you turned 18 I thought that I want you, but we are like brothers, we are family.”

For his surprise Kazu smiled. “We are family, yes. But we are no brothers, Sho. Not when we don’t want to be brothers. But we can still remain family. It’s like I told Masaki. There is nothing bad about feeling something for one of us – I mean excluding Satoshi and Masaki, because we are siblings … that would indeed be … strange.” Kazu grimaced. “But we others?”

Sho listened closely and he finally was able to agree to Kazu. He didn’t know why, but Kazu’s words made him think again about everything. He was right, they weren’t related and they were allowed to feel t he way they felt.

Sho stood up and walked to the bed where he sat next to Kazu. He let his hand brush over Kazu’s cheek before he bent forward to kiss him.

It felt right, even though he feared so much that it was wrong to do this. No, it wasn’t wrong. It felt overall good and right, it couldn’t be wrong.

“Finally,” Kazu smiled sheepishly and pulled Sho back with him on the bed.

~~~

Masaki had Jun’s hand in his when they walked down the garden. He could see Kazu and behind him Sho, his hands wrapped around Kazu’s waist. He smiled. This looked so perfect.

Satoshi stood next to Kazu. He smiled at Masaki and Jun. He definitely looked better again and when Masaki saw a girl smiling at Satoshi from not far away, Masaki knew that everything would be alright again.

“Have you brought everything here?” Masaki asked when they approached the others.

“I have the colour,” Satoshi held up a bag.

“And I brought the canvas,” Kazu pointed at the big item on the ground.

“Good, then let’s start this,” Masaki said with a smile.

They knelt down on the ground and spread the canvas there. Masaki took the green colour and spread it on his hands. He placed his hands on the canvas and left a wonderful handprint there. The others did same and soon they had a big picture with their handprints on it. “It’s our new vow.” Masaki looked from one to the other.

“19 years ago our journey started, and now our journey continues. We are still bond together, in a different way than back than, but we are still brothers, lovers, friends and more than that family,” Masaki said with a smile.

“Wise words, Masaki,” Kazu laughed. “But you are right.”

“I promise that everything will be alright again. I won’t give up, I promise this to you,” Satoshi said. He sounded honest and there was the will to change his current situation. Masaki was sure that Satoshi was on a good way to get back to a happy life.

He felt Jun’s hand on his, mixing the green with the purple colour. Jun had always had a special place in Masaki’s heart, but he had never thought that the brotherly feeling would change into something else.

He looked at Sho and Kazu looking at each other. He was so happy for them. He had wished for them being happy. “I never thought that my life would go this way, but I am overall happy that it leaded into this,” Sho said.

Masaki looked at Kazu and he knew that his twin had the same feelings Masaki had. In the end they always felt same, and mostly they even thought the same. And Satoshi, Satoshi was the older brother who was so different from them, but he also fit perfectly to them.

“So, here is the new vow: We stay together for the next 19 years, and then another 19 years, and another … and so on …,” Masaki said. “I want us to be together forever.”

The others nodded at him – Masaki knew this wasn’t just a vow, it was more than that. Even they had never had a normal family, they had always more of a family than most of other children had. And even though they had their ups and downs, they always were happy in their hearts as long as they had each other, and it would remain like this, Masaki was sure about it.


End file.
